The Express Car
Need to get somewhere fast and the metro just won't cut it? Why not take the express car?[the scene is a subway platform. a train enters the station and stops. a man goes to enter the train, but is stopped by a big burly guy...]
Burly: May I see your ticket, sir?
man: My ticket? Uh, here it is.
Burly: I'm sorry, sir. This is the express car, it goes straight to the end of the line. You only have an economy class ticket, you can board an economy car right there.
[Burly gestures to the next car]
man: But doesn't this car stop at every stop?
Burly: Well people have to be able to get on the express car.
[Burly examines another person's ticket and lets them get on the express car]
man: If you're letting people on, why can't you let people off?
Burly: Because it's the express car. Haven't you been paying attention?
man: This express car is really bugging me.
Burly: Ah, it's not a bug, it's a feature!
man: Fine, whatever.
[the man goes to the next car and gets on. There's a window between the cars where he can see into the express car. People are sitting on couches, drinking champagne served by vegas-style serving girls. There's a roulette table with people crowding around it.]
[the camera takes us into the express car]
girl: Oh I'm so glad we decided to splurge on the express car honey! We'll get to the museum so much faster now.
PA announcer: Next Stop: end of the line.
[the train stops. a passenger tries to get off. he is stopped by Burly]
Burly: I'm sorry sir. You cannot exit here. We haven't reached the end of the line yet.
passenger: But I'd rather get off here. This is where I live.
Burly: Well, if you look at your ticket, sir, it specifically says 'to the end of the line'.
passenger: But the train's stopped. Why can't I just get off?
Burly: If I made an exception for you then I'd have to make an exception for everyone, wouldn't I? And then where would we be? Not on an express car, I'll tell you that much.
[the doors close]
PA announcer: Next Stop: end of the line.
[the camera shows the train pulling away along the tracks. the Travelling Wilbury's "End of the line" is playing]
| Posted by McImprov on July 22, 2002 with category tags of Skit |
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Written by McImprov
| The McGill Improv Troupe! geocities.com/mcimprov |
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