Jesus Miracle Waters

Script inside...

FADE IN:

The Reverend MARK HOPKINS, tight shot,
behind him, a ceramic decanter like the kind
Arrowhead water provides, but with a mural of
Christ walking on water painted on it.

REV HOPKINS-"Hi there, the Reverend mark Hopkins here with a tip..

(he nods to the ceramic decanter behind him.)

REV HOPKINS-"If you'd like to have holy water at home, it's now available...thank to Jesus Miracle Waters. It's a little like arrowhead, a little like
sparkletts: But...every gallon container has been
individually blessed by the Pope!

(he turns on the spigot and fills a glass of cool, clear water)

REV HOPKINS-"Mmm, now I don't just get my 8 glasses of water a day, I get 8 glasses of HOLY Water per day, thanks to Jesus Miracle waters.

(he takes a sip, then several more.)

REV HOPKINS-"God Bless!"

Fade OUT

Posted by NickVegas on April 10, 2003 with category tags of

9 comments
I don't know what Arrowhead is, just a type of bottled water with a flashy bottle I presume?

My suggestion: at the have a shot of the pope on an assembly line (child labor style) blessing over and over again. Either that or have a quick voiceover to end it off "Pope does not actually mean the real pope"
   comment by dustin (#1) on April 11, 2003, Rated it 3

I like the suggestion of "pope does not mean actual pope" voiceover at the end.

Also, you could include some strange and/or religious side-effects, like "if burning sensation occurs, contact your local exorcist" or "may decrease impure thoughts and covetnous".
   comment by Mariana (#35) on April 13, 2003

I think this skit sucks, but it has the potential to be good. I liked Dustin's idea about Pope on the assembly line... and there should be a huge muscle man standing there nudging the Pope with the barrel of his assult rifle.
   comment by anonymous on June 27, 2003, Rated it 2

I am glad you at least wrote re: the skit
It DID win a comedy award in Torrance CA for 2003
and without the visual it's not as powerful.

I was personally just bowled over by someone actually having something as tacky as that.

Your addition made me chuckle, and took it in another direction, which I thought worked.
   comment by anonymous on June 27, 2003, Rated it 5

At least be accurate. Otherwise the humor is dead.

   comment by anonymous on July 14, 2003, Rated it 1

Good start you could have the bottle start to flash or something indicating that the spirit is really going in there. Then the name on the label starts to fade away and is replaced with he word 'Free' and the guy starts going, "NO, NO, It's not free." He trys to rub off the miracle change that is inveloping the bottle. Then comes back with porn and junk food and try to rub them on the bottle (trying to make it unholy again) in hopes that the logo to come back but to no avail. Then announcer trys to announce the product logo but the word keeps changing into the new message of the lord right before his eyes. Announcer: Please buy 'Free' I mean 'Jesus Loves You' (Keeps looking back and each time the word changes) 'Follow the Lord', Oh forget we'll never make any money, Water. (walks away)
   comment by trckands on December 17, 2004, Rated it 3

   

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