another sketch

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Below deck on a Roman ship

4 Slaves are on oars-two pairs front and back.
Behind is a drummer keeping rowing beat.

The 4 are rowing in silence for a while.

Slave 1:
Anybody hear the final score on that Christians versus lions game?

(his oar partner-Slave 2 glares over at Slave 1 then foreward)

(silence for a bit)

Slave 1:
The Christians never do very well. But I always cheer for them!

(Slave 2 looks over again-mean)

(silence again for a bit)

Slave 1:
Oh Boy! Are we having gruel again for dinner? Yummmm!

(Slave 2 drops the oar and starts choking Slave 1)
(The guard comes over and starts whipping both of them-Slave 2 lets go)

Guard:
What’s going on here?

Slave 2:
He was choking. I was trying to help!

Guard:
Well he seems all right now. Back to work!

(They row in silence)

Slave 1:
It seems like the guards whip isn’t as painful as it used to be.(pause) Maybe the leather’s softening up, huh? Heh, heh.

(Slave 2 looks over—mad)

(silence)

Slave 1 (starts chant): Here we go Caesar, Here we go!
Here we go Caesar, here we go!

(Slave 2 attacks again, punching him)
(Guard runs over and starts whipping-Slave 2 backs off)

Guard:
What’s going on here?

Slave 2:
He had a rat on his head. I was trying to kill it!

Guard:
Back to work!

(Silence)

Slave 1:
Thanks for trying to kill that rat—

Slave 2:
Listen buddy, there wasn’t any rat! I was trying to beat your face in! You’re always happy. Always happy! We’re god damn slaves. Our life sucks!

Slave 1:
I don’t think it’s so bad. My momma said to always look to the sunny side of life.

(Slave 3 leans foreward putting his head between them)

Slave 3:
That’s a nice way of thinking.

Slave 1(smiles, glancing back): Um hmmmm.

Slave 2:
The sunny side of life. From the hold of a ship?

(Slave 3 leans foreward again)

Slave 3:
He’s got a point.

Slave 1:
No, It’s more in how you look at things. Seeing the bright side. Y’know?

Slave 2:
So what’s the bright side?

Slave 1:
We’re here together rowing. Think of the cardiovascular benefits!

Slave 3(leaning):
That’s true!

Slave 1:
Or you could be a leper.

Slave 4(leaning foreward): Ooooo. Lepers. Yuck!

Slave 3(leans):
Did you hear about the tough guy leper who kept saying, “You want a piece of me?”

(they all laugh)

Slave 1:
That’s the spirit! Don’t you feel better already?

Slave 3 and 4:
Yeah!

(they all look a slave 2)

Slave 2:
I guess so.

Drum guy(yelling): Ramming speed! (starts beating drum faster)

Slave 1:
Here we go Caesar, Here we go!

(the others join in, slave 2 reluctantly)

All
Here we go Caesar, here we go!
Here we go Caesar, here we go!

Fade out

Posted by larrylorre on October 10, 2003 with category tags of

3 comments
Except for this line: Ooooo. Lepers. Yuck!
And this line: My momma said to always look to the sunny side of life. [forrest gump]
   comment by vinny9 (#33) on October 12, 2003, Rated it 4

Not laugh-out-loud funny, but a subtler, more intellectual brand of humor. Loath as I am to encourage subtlety... I liked it. Keep up the wit.
   comment by TANK (#89) on October 15, 2003, Rated it 4


I liked it a lot, except that Eric Idle kept popping into my head reading the "Sunny Side of Life" bit.

"He's not the messiah, he's a very naughty slave"
   comment by anonymous on December 22, 2003, Rated it 4

   

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