SSSSSEXMy third issue of Cosmo has arrived and it's entitled "The Sexy Issue". What wild ride am I about to embark on as my favorite mag violently switches gears like this, I wonder. Get out your notepads ladies! You asked for it and I deliver.
To be sexy, one must:
1) sleep naked (center-fold style)
2) make sure you have effective deoderant
3) Ensure uniform re-growth of hair "down there" by waxing regularly. "If you give in to the temptation to shave or wax hairs between sessions, you'll end up removing only the long, visible hairs but not the ones that are about to sprout past the skin's surface". Sexy!
4) Christina Applegate advises that slipping into her giant feather bed is sexy. My single bed cloaked in tattered, bally sheets...not so much. That's not in the magazine. I'm inferring. Inference is sexy.
5) Spice up a boring hair braid with a daring hot-pink ribbon. Check.
Now that wasn't so hard! What could possibly follow this voyage but the actual act of sex itself. How to pull this off, you ask? By following these simple tips!
1) Fondle your nipples through a sheer blouse. Okey dokey Mr. Smokey.
2) Use the word "come" as often as you can. How come it took so long for peace to come to Kashmir?
3) The rest are a bit smutty but I think I can sum them up with a few key words:
cowboy, Brazilian, clenching, bodacious tatas, bobbing, multiple angles
Please take note that there is nothing in here about the union of souls. Your mother and sixth grade nurse were mistaken.
Thank you Cosmo! Until next time my vixens!
Written by MissNikki