My third issue of Cosmo has arrived and it's entitled "The Sexy Issue". What wild ride am I about to embark on as my favorite mag violently switches gears like this, I wonder. Get out your notepads ladies! You asked for it and I deliver.

To be sexy, one must:

1) sleep naked (center-fold style)

2) make sure you have effective deoderant

3) Ensure uniform re-growth of hair "down there" by waxing regularly. "If you give in to the temptation to shave or wax hairs between sessions, you'll end up removing only the long, visible hairs but not the ones that are about to sprout past the skin's surface". Sexy!

4) Christina Applegate advises that slipping into her giant feather bed is sexy. My single bed cloaked in tattered, bally sheets...not so much. That's not in the magazine. I'm inferring. Inference is sexy.

5) Spice up a boring hair braid with a daring hot-pink ribbon. Check.

Now that wasn't so hard! What could possibly follow this voyage but the actual act of sex itself. How to pull this off, you ask? By following these simple tips!

1) Fondle your nipples through a sheer blouse. Okey dokey Mr. Smokey.

2) Use the word "come" as often as you can. How come it took so long for peace to come to Kashmir?

3) The rest are a bit smutty but I think I can sum them up with a few key words:
cowboy, Brazilian, clenching, bodacious tatas, bobbing, multiple angles

Please take note that there is nothing in here about the union of souls. Your mother and sixth grade nurse were mistaken.

Thank you Cosmo! Until next time my vixens!

Posted by MissNikki on November 25, 2003 with category tags of

Sleeping naked is sexy?

If you're alone, who the hell is going to notice you being so sexily unconscious?

If you're not alone, you're past the need to be sexy.
   comment by vinny9 (#33) on November 25, 2003

check... errrrr... check.... check... check
Yeah, so apparently cosmo proves that I'm sexy. Who knew?
   comment by Alex (#118) on November 26, 2003

"If you're not alone, you're past the need to be sexy."

You can tell SOMEone's married!
   comment by alice (#60) on November 26, 2003

It's fantastic when Alex wears that sheer blouse.
   comment by Mariana (#35) on November 27, 2003

The 'hair-ribbon' part is right too - anyone else agree that a silky ribbon is sexy on a woman? In their hair or at their neck...
   comment by Wow on September 10, 2004

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