Cosmo: Issue #4...with Special Insert
Darlings!A new year is upon us. It is, I swear! And Cosmo recommends that I set out my love goals in January or else "it might not happen". Yikes! Better get to it then, so that I don't risk spending life alone.
Goals for love, by MissNikki:
1) Find it.
2) Keep it.
3) Keep it so that it feels like I just found it.
Okay, seems easy enough. I turn to Cosmo to show me the "how".
HOW TO FIND LOVE: Whiten my teeth, lose 45 pounds by strengthening my obliques, don't eat foods like broccoli because no man will love a bloated woman, pretend that you're into beer because it's cool but don't actually drink it (again, the bloating), wear dresses with strawberries on them, walk in sexy stillettos, lighten my makeup bag so that it only inlcudes a color stick meant for eyes, lips and cheeks so as to appear low maintainance.
HOW TO KEEP LOVE: Control my "bitch reflex" by remembering my "sugar lips". Dress like my boyfriend and groom him as often as possible.
HOW TO KEEP LOVE FRESH: Wear big, fluffy robes. Make the most out of kissing and fondling. Guys really want to wait for sex, so make them. Slip a bar of luxurious soap in my underwear drawer. Pair baggy blouses with skinny pants like Salma Hayek.
1 + 2 +3 = Happiness!
According to Cosmo, if I follow these rules, I'll be a very busy woman on Valentine's Day. But, I must make sure to give my boyfriend a "pleasure-packed" present on that day to ensure that my love will last through March. Oh no! In October, my "inner Ashton" emerges and one of my pranks ruins everything that I will have worked so hard to create. Oh the plight of the Leo.
Darn! Maybe 2005 will hold the promise of love. My fingers are crossed, Cosmo!
| Posted by MissNikki on January 2, 2004 with category tags of Weblog |
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Written by MissNikki
| Nikki I am Nikki, MissNikki if you're nasty. |
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