Geriatric wants to enroll in college.

Gaylen Husborough, an 87 year old neurotic with plenty of money and free time, decides to call for some information regarding enrollment and orientation. He telephones the school and is connected with the over-eager young representative, Jason Baker.

*Telephone rings*

Jason:
Thank you for calling AAU, How may I help you today?

Gaylen:
*coughs* *clears throat rather loudly, followed by a loud spitting sound.* (he is oblivious to the fact that someone has answered)

Jason:
(with a startled look) Hello? Is anyone there?

Gaylen:
(lost look on his face) Hello?

Jason:
Yes, thank you for calling AAU, THis is Jason, How may I help you?

Gaylen:
Hello?? Is somebody there? Hello? (presses random buttons, sending loud beeps into jason's ear)

Jason:
(slightly raising his tone) Hello sir... Yes..Hello there, May I help you?

Gaylen:
Oh! Hello! My name is Gaylen Husborough, and I want to enroll in your college as a freshman.

Jason:
And what is your intended major?

Gaylen:
No sir, Leiutenant. Whole company cut down by machine gun fire.

Jason:
Excuse me sir?

Gaylen:
You ever see what a hand grenade will do to your average 170 pound man, son?

Jason: No sir, I can't say that I have......

Gaylen: It'll make him shit his trousers and run the other direction! (pasty laughter echoes from the old man)

(a weak smile cuts across Jason's face, finding the man's laugh more humorous than his actual joke)

Jason: I bet....anywho....let's get started. I need just a little bit of information from you and then you will be good to go.

Gaylen: Hello there, My name is Gaylen Husborough and I'm interested in enrolling in your college as a freshman.

Jason: Yes I am aware of that sir.

Gaylen: I don't rightly recollect liking your type.

Jason: Sir do you have an intended major, or are you undecided?

Gaylen: Don't get short with me young man.

Jason: Mr. Husborough I assure you that I have no intentions of being rude or short with you this afternoon, I am merely trying to assess your goals.

Gaylen: I feel like you are giving me ultimatims and rushing my decision.

Jason: Sir, I've done nothing of the sort, I am merely trying to figure out your intended major!

Gaylen: Do they serve Buttermilk Biscuits there? All I eat is Buttermilk Biscuits, on account of my sour stomach.

Jason: Sir, I feel like this conversation is going nowh............

(high pitch feedback from gaylens hearing aid rips through the reciever and Jason jumps back from the phone wincing.)

Jason: Hello?

Gaylen:
My name is Gaylen Husborough and I would like to enroll in your college as a freshman.

Jason:
Let me connect you to Cathy in admissions.

(Jason drops the reciever of the phone in the office blender and turns it on high as he packs his things to leave for the day.)

The end

Posted by AlexDelage on January 21, 2004 with category tags of

12 comments
I think this skit has great potential. After: "Jason: Well Mr. Husborough, I tell you what I can do...", the conversation could either continue in more depth, or cut to Gaylen showing up at the campus..

I feel that ending it where you did kind of deflates the skit...
   comment by Bryan (#22) on January 20, 2004

There's not much of a story arc here. Just two guys on the phone talking about the same thing. What's this?:
("After some coaching and an endless amount of repeats, Jason finally gets the information he needs")

I would say sketches should not include improv! Write it, so we know what's funny!
You've got two characters here, give them some personality! The guys got money, is it indicated here in the sketch? Could he buy the college and fire the guy? You hit on the military thing then dropped it right away??? I'd pull out after the improv and try to work in a theme. If it's the senile guy then really go for it! Good Luck.
   comment by larrylorre (#103) on January 20, 2004, Rated it 2

(After some coaching and an endless amount of repeats, Jason finally gets the information he needs)

Hey! This is where the funny part goes. You actually have to write it out! And if it was too boring for you to write out, that's a bad sign for people who would have to watch the skit.

The setup is established in ten lines, then the meat of the skit is missing and replaced with "something funny goes here" and ends with, basically, a rehash of the opening. The premise could be great but you need to flesh it out. The ending simply says: "everything that came before was pointless." Jason is not affected at all. That's exactly where you don't want to end up.

There's a very funny skit in there but you gotta dig it out.
   comment by vinny9 (#33) on January 20, 2004, Rated it 2

Ha! Larry I didn't see your post until I submitted mine.
   comment by vinny9 (#33) on January 20, 2004

Um, Jason IS affected, he is tired of dealing with the old man so he pawns him off on Cathy in Admissions.
   comment by Joe Observer on January 21, 2004

I added a little to the dialogue. I appreciate the feedback. This is intended as a short amusing skit, nothing more. Also, to whomever wrote the leave it to beaver skit, take a look at your own work before you talk about mine. You based a whole skit on old jokes about leave it to beaver and toilet humor. Give me a break.
   comment by AlexDelage (#140) on January 21, 2004

Vinny quit copying me!!!!! Dammit!!!
   comment by larrylorre (#103) on January 21, 2004

I thought I gave some helpful information. I guess it wasn't appreciated. People generally give feedback here. I didn't know you didn't want any. If you want to give me feedback on mine please do. Toilet humor in mine? No poop jokes there!
   comment by larrylorre (#103) on January 21, 2004

Alex, I reread it and it's better. maybe the final line from Jason "Sir, I can't hear you over the blender!" As he drops it in. I'm just sayin!
   comment by larrylorre (#103) on January 21, 2004

The basic idea for this is a good one - it's defintely worth developing. Maybe get the admissions woman in there, too? It just needs more detail at the end. Good job on the dialogue in the middle section: "I don't rightly recollect liking your type".
   comment by peterwellington (#137) on January 28, 2004, Rated it 3

I, FOR ONE, THINK IT DESERVES MORE CREDIT.
-RETARD
   comment by anonymous on January 31, 2004, Rated it 5

Apply for the new VISA card from the Nigerian National Bank. No Retards denied!
   comment by larrylorre (#103) on February 1, 2004

   

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