Porno Roomate
Clint has it out with his college roomate, who apparently watches too much porn and doesn't get out much.SCENE: COLLEGE DORM ROOM....CLINT IS RETURNING HOME FROM A HARD DAY OF CLASSES, THE PORNO ROOMATE HAS SKIPPED CLASS.......AGAIN.
CLINT ENTERS THE LIVING ROOM AND FINDS PORNO ROOMATE PLAYING VIDEO GAMES UNSHOWERED AND STINKING OF BEER.
CLINT:AGAIN WITH THE FUCKING PIZZA BOXES!
PORNO ROOMATE: (not paying attention ,muttering under breath).....it's Dejourno...
CLINT: (getting louder, and angrier) YOU ARE FUCKING DEJOURNO IN THE GODDAMN SKULL! LOOK AT THIS MESS! I GO TO TAKE A PISS, AND THERE IS A PIZZA BOX IN THE FUCKING SHOWER!
PORNO ROOMATE: (gazing at video games and muttering distantly) ...I was on the go...*shrugs*
CLINT: ARE YOU SOME KIND OF A BURN OUT? ARE WE HAVING AN EPISODE HERE?
PORNO ROOMATE: Do you think that they let retarded people into the military? (gazing at video game)
CLINT: (on a tirade) .......I MEAN, I CAN"T EVEN BRING MY DATES BACK TO MY OWN DORM........WITHOUT...AND SOME JACKASS PASSED OUT IN A PUDDLE OF VOMIT!
PORNO ROOMATE:(Still zoning out at the game) I mean....You would think SPECIAL forces and all.......duh huh huh
CLINT: (not even looking at porno roomate anymore, just loudly voicing his complaints pacing back and forth) ........AND I AM A NICE GUY!............*audience capturing only broken pieces of ranting*.........I HAVE TO WRITE MY NAME ON THE CEREAL BOX.......HEARD OF LAZINESS BEFORE, BUT PISSING IN THE SINK BECAUSE IT'S CLOSER IS JUST GOOD OLD FASHIONED FUCKED UP!
PORNO ROOMATE: Will we ever see the day that a black woman is elected president?
CLINT: Now, THAT would be fucked up! *laughs*
PORNO ROOMATE: You could get oral from the president. I mean, you or I would probably never get within 400 ft of her without being tackled by uniformed personell, but I mean TECHNICALLY, it would be possible.
*the bleep of video games is heard as both men ponder*
CLINT: *laughing hysterically, stands at attention and salutes* YES SIR FIRST COMPANY CHARLIE BRAVO SQAUDRON RED LEADER! DO YOU COPY? OVER? I SAY AGAIN, I TAPPED THE PRESIDENT'S CORNHOLE! OVER, ROGER THAT ZEBRA DELTA SQUAD, TITAN HAS SPLASHED DOWN....YOU TAKE COAXES ONE AND READYTWO ON MY ZULU. *stands at rigid attention, humping the air ferociously, with eyes bulging out, still holding the salute.*
PORNO ROOMATE: *jumps up screaming like the drill sergeant from "Full Metal Jacket"* PRIVATE MULDOON YOU COCK SURE SON OF A BITCH! STEP UP TO THE LINE HERE! DID I HEAR YOU SAY OVER THE RADIO CHATTER THAT YOU FUCKED THE PRESIDENT IN HER BLACK ASS?!
CLINT: *falls back on the lazy boy recliner behind him laughing hysterically* .......whew.....oh man.....*laughs*.........cock sure.....that is hilarious.....Dude, you should come to class more often...
PORNO ROOMATE: Is there any of that weed left?
CLINT: I'LL GO GET THAT ROACH!
PORNO ROOMATE: What roach?
*Clint digs through his backpack in the next room*
PORNO ROOMATE: (raising voice) HEY......DUDE........WHAT ROACH?
*waits for answer briefly looking intently down the hallway, then loses interest, and begins playing video games again.
*CLINT RE-ENTERS THE ROOM AND SITS DOWN IN THE LAZY BOY, OPENING A CANNED SOFT DRINK AND SIPPING IT IN SILENCE.
PORNO ROOMATE: Hey....Did you say you had a roach?
CLINT: yeah
PORNO ROOMATE: From where? What roach???
CLINT: Dude, you won' t believe this.....I smoked a blunt with my philosophy teacher today.
PORNO ROOMATE: A fattie?
CLINT: It was kinda fat, yeah.
PORNO ROOMATE:Not as fat as "Juhbluntski".........?
CLINT: Oh hell no, Juhbluntski was crazy huge.
PORNO ROOMATE: Why do you smoke weed with random people like that?
CLINT: I was just sitting in my car rolling one during lunch and he came strolling up........and
PORNO ROOMATE: *interrupting* Yeah, but you always do shit like that. Every other day you come in here and tell me some crazy story about how you sparked one up with some random person. "Hey guess what, I smoked bong hits with the mayors daughter." or " I think I'm cool because I got high with the gas station attendant down the street."
CLINT: It's fun to get people you don't know high.
PORNO ROOMATE:Bro, you get high with your friends or your lady, you don't go and smoke a joint with the Mcdonald's drive through girl.
CLINT: SHe got paranoid and had to leave work. THAT CHRONIC HIT HER BOY! *laughs* She was LOOPED OUT, kid!
PORNO ROOMATE: You are gonna get busted.
CLINT: *still reminiscing* She passed me the joint back........she was just standing there at the drive through window......looking mesmerized out of her mind.....with that big-ass headset on......
PORNO ROOMATE: You are gonna get busted.
CLINT: Shut up and hand me a lighter there, Dejourno boy.
PORNO ROOMATE: I'm for real, you will get busted.
CLINT: If I need advice on how to piss in sinks and be a nasty bastard I will consult YOU, otherwise, shut the fuck up and hand me a lighter.
FIN
| Posted by AlexDelage on February 12, 2004 with category tags of Skit |
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Written by AlexDelage
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