Telephone Sale

I don't have a maestro!

Telephone Sale

Phone rings

A. answers in an impatient confrontational manner. Hello
B. replies in a very unconfident and broken English Chinese voice. Yes, hello sir. Do you have a moment?
A. Not really. I’m very busy right now.
B. Oh, so sorry.
A. Call another day.
B. Yes, certainly sir, will you be available to call again?
A. Uh…Yes?
B. Ah, then I will call again.
A. Fine.
B. Tomorrow?
A. No, I can’t tomorrow.
B. Then perhaps Thursday for you, sir?
A. No, this whole week is very busy. How about Friday?
B. Yes, how about Friday? That would be fine. At what time, sir?
A. What time? Say, 6 o’clock.
B. Very good. I will call you on Friday at 6 o’clock. Is that fine, sir?
A. Yes, fine.
B. Then I will tell you about this new very exciting new product.
A. Yes, I can’t wait.
No reply
A. Well, then, speak to you Friday?
No reply
A. Hello? I said, speak to you Friday?
B. Yes, I can’t wait, sir.
A. You can’t wait? I can’t wait.
B. Me too, sir.
A. You too? He laughs.
No reply
A. You’re new to this phone sales thing aren’t you?
B. Phone sales thing? Yes, I’m new. It is my first day.
A. Well, no offence bud, but you have a lot to learn about it.
B. Yes.
A. I mean, you can get better.
B. Yes.
A. You just have to learn how to do it right.
B. Yes.
A. And you have to improve your English.
B. I have to improve English.
A. Your English.
B. Yes. And then I will be able to sell the new exciting product.
A. Yeah, well, not only that, but you should be more aggressive. You’re not going to be able to sell anything by just listening to what the person says. You have to lead them in.
B. Lead them in? What does this mean, sir?
A. It means you have to set out the bait and then get them to bite. Then you can reel them in. You get my meaning?
B. I do not understand. Excuse me sir.
A. That’s fine. Let me explain. You have to plant the seed in the mind, see. Then you’ve got to make the seed grow.
B. Ah, yes, like a seed.
A. Yes, a seed of a plant
B. Ah, like a plant.
A. Exactly, but faster….You’ve got to sell them hard and quick—that’s the line you’re in.
B. Ah yes, the line.
A. Yeah, see, the line of business you’re in. You’re in a line of business that’s ruthless, hard and fast.
B. Yes, I am fast.
A. Yeah, well, you’ve got to be faster. No one has time anymore. That’s why you’ve got to get their attention right off the bat.
B. Yes, the bat. I know the bat. The Batman. He laughs.
A. For Christ’s sake, what the hell are you selling anyway?
B. I am selling books.
A. Books? Who sells books on the phone anymore?
B. I do, sir.
A. What kind of books?
B. Many books, sir.
A. Well, give me an example.
B. I am selling English books.
A. I know. But what kind?
B. English.
A. What’s the book called?
B. How to learn English by P. W. Robertson.
A. For Christ’s sake. And you’re pushing it on me? What else do you have?
B. I have How to be Popular and Look Great by G. W. Peterson.
A. See, that I would buy.
B. Well, do you want to buy?
A. No. I’m not buying. What else do you have, just out of curiosity?
B. I have one very fine book that I would like to read me too. But I cannot read.
A. What is it?
B. It is called Jong-Chee and the Ancient Chinese Art of Persuasion by Jong-Chee
A. That’s not in English is it?
B. Yes, it is.
A. But Jong Chee doesn’t sound English to me.
B. It is translated, sir, by the great translator F. T. Donaldson, sir.
A. Oh. It sounds interesting.
B. It is very great. Jong-Chee is the master of the Ancient Chinese Art of persuasion. It is very new and very new and exciting. Do you want to buy?
A. Maybe. But I don’t have time today.
B. Tomorrow then sir?
A. No, I’m busy tomorrow.
B. Thursday?
A. I can’t Thursday.
B. Friday then, sir?
A. Yeah, sure. Call me Friday.
B. But you can buy today, sir. And you get a new very new discount.
A. Tell me more about this Jong-Chee.
B. He is the master. There is no other master like this one. He is the master of the Ancient Chinese Art of persuasion.
A. I’ve never heard of this art of persuasion. Does it work?
B. Oh yes. It works for a thoooouuusand yeeaaaars.
A. Is it old?
B. It is ancient, sir.
A. Really?….thinks about it saying “hmmm”…….For Christ’s sake, alright. Give me two copies.
They exchange credit card info
A. What’s your name anyway.
B. My name sir? It is Chee Jong.
A. Well, listen Chee Jong, you’ve got a lot to learn about selling. But you’ve got gusto.
B. Gusto, sir? What is that?
A. That’s hard to explain. Let me see.
Fade out

Posted by boxcarwilly on March 7, 2003 with category tags of

7 comments
oh my aching sides
   comment by chrisdye (#15) on March 7, 2003

I like it, but it's too long. Get to the book titles quicker and thin it out a bit and it could be excellent.

[dustin puts on some frilly robes] Also, it's hard to tell the difference between dialogue and direction. I advise using square-brackets around all non-dialogue text.
   comment by dustin (#1) on March 8, 2003, Rated it 4

Cute, but you can see the punch line coming from a million miles away. Also, the setup is too long. To improve the skit, I'd suggest an unexpected ending.
   comment by Bryan (#22) on March 9, 2003, Rated it 2

Yeah -- as Bryan suggests, I think you should head us towards the punchline we expect, then swerve off and surprise us.
   comment by Sean (#34) on March 10, 2003, Rated it 3

If you want an unexpected ending, have the guy be American.. his name could be John She or something. I dont know... and why is the author named Jong-Chee and the sales person names Chee Jong? aren't they supposed to be the same guy?
   comment by anonymous on June 27, 2003

If you want an unexpected ending, have the guy be American.. his name could be John She or something. I dont know... and why is the author named Jong-Chee and the sales person names Chee Jong? aren't they supposed to be the same guy?
   comment by anonymous on June 27, 2003, Rated it 2

I really have no idea what this skit was supposed to be about, it lost my interest about 1/3 of the way through. It was too long and not funny at all, in my opinion.
   comment by anonymous on December 26, 2003, Rated it 1

   

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