boosh1733 blog @ Vorg http://vorg.ca/~boosh1733 All items Copyright 2001-2004 by their respective authors en-us https://vorg.ca/61-Another [two birds sit on a telephone wire above a road]

Bird One: What’s wrong?

Bird Two: My wings seem to be broken.

Bird One: Broken?

Bird Two: Yes, broken. Every time I try to fly I get a horrible pain.

Bird One: In your wings?

Bird Two: No, in my head. Thrice I have jumped off this wire and tried flapping my wings, and thrice my wings have failed, sending me head first into the pavement.

Bird One: Oh, dreadful. But what about your wings?

Bird Two: I can’t even feel them.

Bird One: Oh, then surely they must be broken.

Bird Two: How do you know?

Bird One: Because when things break you can’t feel them.

Bird Two: Is that so?

Bird One: That’s what I’ve always heard.

Bird Two: But you’ve never broken anything.

Bird One: True.

Bird Two: So how can you be sure?

Bird One: Because I’ve never heard otherwise, and it seems logical enough.

Bird Two: Have you ever been unable to feel your wings?

Bird One: Well, yes. Sometimes in the morning, when I’ve slept on them the wrong way. But then they’re just asleep.

Bird Two: So what if my wings are not broken, but asleep?

Bird One: I imagine if they were asleep you would still be able to use them, even if you couldn’t feel them.

Bird Two: Then I should perform a test: if I can fly off this wire then my wings are asleep, and if I try to fly and I can’t then my wings are broken.

Bird One: Yes, sounds perfect.

Bird Two: Ok, here I go.

[Bird Two tries flying off of wire, wings don't work]

Bird Two: Shit!

[Bird Two lands head first on road]

Bird One: So they must be broken.

Bird Two: Yeah. Good call.]]> https://vorg.ca/61-Another boosh1733 Skit 2003-01-30T21:17:21+00:00 https://vorg.ca/61-Another#replies https://vorg.ca/56-Thanksgiving-fun They call me the blizzard, because I’m white and cool, and so powerful I’ll blind you. I am one hundred and thirty pounds of pure, grade-A man, and I know how to give a girl what she wants. It’s not hard, really. Most of them are content to stare at my mocha brown eyes as they glisten in the light of God’s great sun. I sometimes wonder if they could even handle the intensity of my full body.

One time in art class we were assigned to sketch a miniature model of The David. Some klutzy, pimple faced kid tripped over an extension cord, fell on the model, and boke it to pieces. So of course I volunteered to strip down to my briefs (Hanes, medium) and allow the class to sketch the godlike curves of my sculpted body. Three girls fainted and the rest turned red like candy hearts. The thought of seeing a buff man like me nearly nude was just too much for them, obviously, since they were used to bony boys like the one who broke the model.

Just last week I was with my family at a party at some chick’s house, I don’t remember her name. She was old though, real old. I like my women mature, but not that mature. But there were some fine younger chicks there, and I could tell they were eyeing me.

My first move was to blow off my parents. I told them I saw someone I knew, and when they weren’t looking, I slipped into the basement. That’s where the chicks go to get away from their parents and live a little. There were all sorts of women: tall and short, blonde and brunette, brainy and… not so brainy. There were so many cute ones that I didn’t want to single out any certain one and deny the others a fair shot. I decided to sit down and let them come to me. That way, they had to do all the work. I just sat and looked mysterious and removed but still aware. (It’s a look I’ve worked hard to perfect, and if I were to judge, I’d say I do have it perfect.)

I had been sitting for only a few minutes when a sweet looking chick started looking in my direction. She seemed perplexed, as if wondering whether or I would want to talk to her. It took her a while, but she finally came over. She stood next to my chair and said, “Hey, do you remember me?” I honestly didn’t. She was probably a fling from my early years, maybe even my pre high school period. I replied, “No, but sit down, please.” She sat in the chair next to mine. She was really checking me out, eyeing me head to toe.

She spoke, “I’m Janie.”

That’s when she got really bold and gave me a kiss on the cheek. Few women even have the nerve to talk to me, much less get physical without being sure I dig them. I liked this one.

She continued, “I guess you don’t remember me. It’s been a while. I didn’t even recognize you until my sister pointed you out. How have you been?”

I put on my light thinking face and answered, “I’m having trouble with my new puppy. See, I found her abandoned in a dumpster one winter night, and being the animal lover that I am, I picked her up and kept her as my own. She’s real cute and sweet, but every time I leave her alone she whimpers. I guess she’s afraid of being abandoned again. I wish I knew how to show her that I love her all the time, even when I’m not around.”

The puppy story. Chicks love the puppy story.

“Ohhh, that’s so kind of you. Just imagine what would have happened if you hadn’t seen her.”

“Yes yes, it gives me a pain in my heart to think of such things.

That was when the old lady holding the party called down, inviting us to eat with her.

Janie said, “Well, I’ll talk to you another time. If not later tonight, then Christmas. Bye.”

Wow, this girl was gutsy. She was making me wait for her. Me, the guy who always has the women waiting for him.

Later that night, during the car ride home, my mom asked me about Janie. I guess she was so giddy she told everyone about our little fling to be. My mom said, “I hear you met your cousin Janie. Her family lived around here when you were younger. They just moved back last month. She told me you didn’t remember her. That’s funny, because you two used to play together every weekend.”

I couldn’t believe it. She was my cousin. I guess even I should take a break for Thanksgiving.

Then my mother asked, “Now, what’s this about an abandoned puppy?”
]]> https://vorg.ca/56-Thanksgiving-fun boosh1733 Skit 2003-01-30T02:37:37+00:00 https://vorg.ca/56-Thanksgiving-fun#replies