BBC London's Live Latest Tube Information
Tube Longer Term Information: Long Term Travel ChangesBAYSWATER STATION: Closes at 2300 each night (except Saturday) for removal of gaslight lamps. Additionally, the condom dispenser will be out of service until 27 February. Please use the rhythm method.
CAMDEN TOWN STATION: on SATURDAYS, no down escalator between 1000 and 1700. Access to platforms is via a spiral staircase or ventilation duct. On SUNDAYS, the station is exit only between 1300 and 1730 due to local infestation of raccoons.
HEATHROW TERMINAL 4 STATION (Piccadilly line): Closed until September 2006 for building work for Terminal 5 station. A shuttle bus manned by men in bowlers will be provided for fares. The Heathrow Express will be renamed Father Christmas' Spotted Delivery December 2006.
WEMBLEY PARK STATION: REVISED arrangements apply as platforms 2 3 and 6 are now closed due to rave culture.
WOODFORD STATION: The entrance to the westbound platform has now been replaced by a force-field and is accessible only to humans with phase-shift capabilities.
Tube Longer Term Information: Lift & Escalator Details
ARCHWAY STATION: No down escalator service until July 2005. Access to platforms is via a refurbished coal chute.
CANARY WHARF STATION: A reduced escalator service until March 2005. Please note that the escalator has been reduced and not the service. A ten-foot leap is now required to disembark without injury.
HIGHBURY & ISLINGTON STATION: Until March 2005, access to platforms must be earned in a best-two-out-of-three duel with renowned fencer, Sir Charles Unsbridge.
LEICESTER SQUARE STATION: Reduced escalator service to the Piccadilly Line platforms until March 2005 or a size-5 threaded bolt is found.
LONDON BRIDGE STATION: A reduced escalator service fron the main ticket hall to the Jubilee line until April 2005. Local crowd control measures may need to be implemented due to spontaneous cricket matches on platform 2.
SEVEN SISTERS STATION: The Seven Sisters Road entrance will be closed until August 2005 due to "football enthusiasts". Customers without a cudgel must use the High Road entrance.
TOOTING BEC STATION: No down escalator service until April 2005 due to excessive juvenile graffiti on station signage.
VAUXHALL STATION: No down escalator from the ticket hall to the Victoria Line until April 2005. No down escalator from the Reading Street entrance to the ticket hall until May 2005. In addition, no up escalator service until September 2005. No entry at Cannery Street due to toxic gas seepage until June 2005. It is best to avoid Vauxhall Station if at all possible.
Tube Longer Term Information: Weekend Travel Changes
WEEKEND TRAVEL CHANGES FOR TODAY SUNDAY 27 FEBRUARY:
JUBILEE LINE: No service between Kingsbury and Waterloo due to intermittent wildlife crossing. Passenger journey times may be increased by up to 40 minutes. Please refrain from throwing objects at the animals. Do not taunt any animals that might appear at your window.
METROPOLITAN LINE: No service at Harrow-on-the-Hill and Aldgate. Those stations totally suck.
CHILTERN RAILWAYS: All day today, no Chiltern service between Amersham and Marylebone due to gross overestimation of tunnel height by driver.
NORTHERN LINE: No southbound service between Camden Town and Kennington (via Bank) at peak period. Local crowd control measures may be implemented, including but not limited to cattle prods.
HIGH STREET KENSINGTON STATION: Today until 1000, the station is closed. No rail replacement bus service will be provided. People approaching the station to inquire within will be fired upon by the SAS. Passengers on trains travelling through the station may be subjected to bolts of electricity.
Thank you for your patience.
| Posted by vinny9 on February 27, 2005 with category tags of Skit |
Written by vinny9
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