Woodland Con-Creatures
Another hard days work at the Parks.The Park Rangers are just starting their day like any other when..........work arises.
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[The Park Ranger walks over to a landscaping rock area around the front of the building and sees dog poo on the rocks.]
Park Ranger: (Grumpy) This is why pets shouldn't be allowed in the park.
[Throws more rock on top of the dirty ones. He has a lightbulb appear over his head, and then he walks away. He returns with a can of WD-40.]
(Happier)Poo proofing the rocks.[Sprays the WD-40 on the rocks]. Ain't no poo gonna get on these rocks.
Scene 2:
Park Ranger: [Is in the tool room looking for the paint] Let's see, I need the blue paint. [He gets distracted by some of the other objects in the room.] Oooh Look at...[He turns to grab one of the objects; knocking over the can of paint] Well at least I found it. [The paint is all over, including important documents, which are ruined. It's all over the ground and his shirt.]
Park Ranger2: [Walks into the room, seeing the paint all over everything. Then he looks at the other Park Ranger scooping the paint back into the can.] You found it!
[Next we see the two of them painting the side of the room. When the phone rings...... it keeps ringing and ringing and ringing.]
Park Ranger2: [Remebering somthing that happened earlier that morning has a flash back to when the Boss said: "We'll be receiving a very important call today. Now I'm gonna be out of the office today and I want you guys to handle receiving it."] Are you gonna get that phone?
Park Ranger: [Remebering the events earlier that morning a little differently, he has an auditory flash back hearing what the boss was saying as: "You gonna get that phone?" like it's a dare and the phone's been egging him on. So he goes and rips the phone out of the jack and throws it against the wall; breaking it. He then returns to his work.]
Scene 3:
[The guys are in a staff meeting for all the park employees]
Boss(Speaker): We need to consolidate our efforts to make the process of forms a less involved task. With these new forms we will be able to accomplish our goals.
Park Ranger: (Thinking[at the same time as the Boss is speaking]): "These guys sit around all day. They're not on my level. My work ethic is spotless. They could really learn alot from me. They could stand to move around and get some things done. [He's really getting himself worked up.] That's what the problem is."
Park Ranger:(Speaking) You guys need to pull your weight around here.
Boss: And then we'll need to move the files...... (Now hearing what Park Ranger said) What?!
Park Ranger: I didn't say anything.
[Everyone is looking at him]
Boss: No that's fine. Now, sorting is an issue that can be resolved by....
[Everyone has by now, turned their attention back to the Boss speaking when......]
Park Ranger: This ain't 9:30 at all. [Like as if he had went to a concert and found it was another band playing besides the one he was told would be playing when he had bought the tickets.] I'm out. [(He says it in a "I won't have any part of this.", way). Leaving his pamphlets on the chair, he walks out of the room with everyone looking at him]
Scene 4:
[There's a guy outside the door that the Park Ranger is about to walk through. We see him chipping off some paint from the decking outside the door.]
Park Ranger: [Opens the door quickly hitting the man working outside in the arm.]
Guy: Ow! [He looks up at the Park Ranger]
[As he does, The Park Ranger who is looking at him sees him change from a person to a huge door stop, and then back to a person. (Just like in the cartoons where Character1 who is hungry looks at Character2 and Character2 turns into a roasted turkey and then back into orignal form.)]
Park Ranger: [Walks away satisfied, because it must be alright because he just saw him turn into a door stop.]
Scene 5:
[Both Park Rangers are sitting eating their lunches under a tree with mulch around it.]
Park Ranger: [Picks up some mulch lifts the top off his sandwhich and sprinkles it on his sandwhich. When he does, the mulch shines and we hear the sound of ringing chimes, followed by the sound of the top of the sandwhich going back on.]
Park Ranger2:[Is putting mulch in his hair methodically with atttention to placement]
[We hear the sounds of Park Ranger eating.]
Park Ranger:(Thinking) "This is good mulch this year."
[Then both Park Rangers construct a mythical character from mulch, and start to circle dance around it. We hear tribal music as the movement intensifies until......]
Park Ranger: [Kicks over the construction]
Park Ranger2: [Looking on at Park Ranger in confusion]
Park Ranger: It was going to ravage the earth.
Park Ranger2: [Mystified by Park Ranger's wisdom] Can't be having that.
Park Ranger: No we can't. Not in the least.
[They go back to eating their lunches. Park Ranger2 is talking while Park Ranger is thinking]
Park Ranger2: You know people really don't know about the good things you do for everyone. You're really unappreciated.
Park Ranger:(Thinking) "Yep this ain't bad mulch this year. Nope not to bad at...."(He sees a ground hog whose been eluding him all year.) "That little sonavabitch. He's back again." (Outloud) Can't he just let me eat in peace for once?!
Park Ranger:[Looks at the ground hog who is over 200 yards away and then looking back at the Park Ranger. He is confused.] But he's all the way over there how can he possibly be bothering you?
[The Park Ranger looking at the ground hog sees it turn around right at him and wink. Then the ground hog starts munching an acorn.(obviously to spite him)]
Park Ranger:[As if being given a new mission] Come on Bill(aka Park Ranger2).
[They get in the Park's truck and start driving after the ground hog] They chase the ground hog in the truck until the ground hog stops in front of a tree.]
Park Ranger: We've got him cornered now!
[They speed up; laughing together as Park Ranger continues to think he's going to get the ground hog. He is heading straight for the tree the ground hog stopped in front of. He and Park Ranger2 are cheering when the ground hog ducks into a hole and they slam into the tree.]
[They both get out. The truck is all crumpled around the tree and steaming.]
Park Ranger: [Gets out like: "Gosh that was rough."]
Park Ranger2: [Puts his hand on his head for a second. (looking at the tree and prodding it)] Man what's that thing made out of? Concrete or something? Man someone could really get hurt with this thing. (refering to the tree). How'd this get here?
Park Ranger: Come on Bill lets go.
[They walk back to the building]
Park Ranger: He's beaten us for now but we'll have our day.
Scene 6:
[Both park rangers are outside kicking gumballs back and forth when the boss comes up. He looks at the truck a couple hundred yards away and sees it steaming and mangled around the tree.]
Boss: Lou(aka Park Ranger)! You aren't gonna get away with this. You're gonna have to pay for that truck.
Park Ranger: That ain't my truck. I ain't paying shit. I ain't playing games. I ain't your punk. You can't fool me.
Boss:[Satisfied that the problem has been resolved and Park Ranger has been cleared of all wrong doing in this matter.] OK. [And walks off]
Park Ranger2: Don't let 'em mess with you that shit wasn't your fault.
Scene 7:
[With a job well done and a days hard work completed, the Rangers are sharing a Cold One in the parking lot. Both Park Rangers are standing next to Park Ranger's car as he's getting in it.]
Park Ranger: [Cooly] Yeah I ain't paying for that truck.
[Both the guys are speaking simoutaneously here for a moment.]
{{{
Park Ranger: It was the ground hog and then he darts....
Park Ranger2: You never saw that tree coming.....
}}}
Park Ranger: So then I'm fine.
Park Ranger:(reassuringly)Yeah you're alright. They can't try and mess with you. [While he's jumping around punching the air] I'll BAMMMM!!! then BLOOOOOOW!!!
Park Ranger: (unconcerned with his partner) Alright I gotta go. [Gets in his car and starts jammin' to some music and leaves.]
END
| Posted by trckands on October 21, 2004 with category tags of Skit |
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Written by trckands
| Jake Thebeau I've been comming up with funny stuff recently in a wave, things that I've been able to turn into a skit, ad, or song, I've been coming up with stuff and the funnies are still coming steadily. |
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| Never test the depth of the water with both feet.[quote database] |
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