The History of Music in Two Acts
Here's a short comic play. The script is wordy becase it's mainly mimed. It was first performed a year ago, and I had people rolling all over the floor laughing throughout. Enjoy! CharlesThe History of Music in Three Acts
A Short Comic Play
by Charles Bergeron
INTRODUCTION
ACT ONE
THE ADVENT OF MAN
The place: A plain: Drum and two studs stage centre; Two music stands stage left
The characters:
H Hostess
AN Anglophone Narrator
FN Francophone Narrator
MG Male Gorilla
FG Female Gorilla
The musicians:
TR Triangle Player
T1 First Trumpet Player
T2 Second Trumpet Player
[Lights come on.]
H [Enters stage right, wearing a blond wig, a pink dress stuffed with a pillow for breast enhancement, and high heels. Holds up a large sign reading “Act One The Advent of Man”. Walks across the stage.]
H Act One, Act One. The Advent of Man.
H [Walks back across the stage, sees mother and waves.]
H Oh, hi mom.
H [Giggles. Exists stage right.]
AN/FN/TR [Enter stage right.]
AN A gorilla…
FN Un gorille…
MG [Enters stage right. Makes gorilla sounds. Raises arm and scratches armpit. Frowns as if the pit doesn’t smell very good.]
A beat.
MG [Lifts his index finger to indicate that he has an idea.]
TR Ding!
MG [Picks up a make-believe stick of deodorant. Removes the cap. Slowly rotates the stick. Applies generously to armpits.]
AN And another gorilla…
FN Et un autre gorille…
FG [Enters stage right. Makes gorilla sounds. Notices drum on floor stage centre. Points it out to MG by pointing and making gorilla sounds.]
MG/FG [Approach the drum cautiously. Scratch their heads in wonder.]
AN A drum! What could one possibly do with that?
FN Un tambour! Que faire avec?
FG [Lifts her index finger to indicate that she has an idea.]
TR Ding!
FG [Puts the drum on her head, wearing it as a hat. Shows off how elegant she looks. Begins dancing in the style of a show girl.]
MG [Shakes his head in discouragement. Removes the drum from FG’s head and places it on the ground in front of them.]
MG/FG [Hold their heads in deep thought.]
A beat.
FG [Lifts her index finger to indicate that she has an idea.]
TR Ding!
FG [Turns the drum upside down. Pours a bag of make believe flour into the drum. Stirs with a make-believe spoon. Pours the batter into a make believe frying pan and flips a make-believe pancake into the air.]
MG [Receives the pancake on his face. Appears mad. Shakes his head in discouragement. Removes the drum from FG and places it right-side up in front of him. Notices the studs. Scratches his head in wonder.]
A beat.
MG [Lifts his index finger to indicate that he has an idea.]
TR Ding!
T1/T2 [Enter stage left. Begin to play the principal bars to “Opening Theme to 2001: A Space Odyssey”.]
MG [Kneels in front of drum, holding studs. When the first drum sequence arrives, plays it softly and hesitantly. When the second drum sequence arrives, plays it loudly and firmly.]
MG/FG [When the finale arrives, they begin to make excited gorilla noises. They stand up in three stages, corresponding to the last three notes of the finale, MG holding the studs, assuming body star formations.]
[Lights turn off.]
END OF ACT ONE
ACT TWO
THE ADVENT OF LOVE
The place: A living room: One chair stage centre left; One chair stage centre right; Piano stage left
The characters:
H Hostess
AN Anglophone Narrator
FN Francophone Narrator
M Man
W Woman
TV Television
The musicians:
TR Triangle Player
PI Piano Player
[Lights come on.]
H [Enters stage right. Holds up a large sign reading “Act Two The Advent of Love”. Walks across the stage.]
H Act One, Act One. {The error is intentional.} The Advent of Love.
H [Giggles. Walks back across the stage. Trips on her high heels. Exists stage right.]
AN/FN/TR [Enter stage right.]
AN A man…
FN Un homme…
M [Enters stage right. Sits on chair stage centre left.]
AN And a woman…
FN Et une femme…
W [Enters stage right. Sits on chair stage centre right.]
M [Casually glances at W.]
W [Catches glance in the corner of her eye.]
M [Glances at W with passion.]
W [Looks back, giggling.]
M [Moves his chair closer to W. Looks at W with interest.]
W [Returns the look.]
M [Moves his chair next to W. Holds out his hand.]
W [Takes M’s hand.]
M/W [Smile.]
A beat.
M [Puts arm around W’s shoulder.]
M/W [Cuddle.]
A beat.
M [Yawns. Yawns again.]
AN What could this couple do to share their love?
FN Que pourrait faire ce couple pour partager leur amour?
M [Raises his index finder to indicate that he has an idea.]
TR Ding!
TV [Enters stage front centre.]
M [Picks up make-believe remote control. Presses a button.]
TV …Russian President Vladimir Putin yesterday warned his American counterpart…
M [Indicates that he’s not interested in the news. Presses button.]
TV …Oh Rose! J’ai besoin de toi! Ne me quittes pas!…
M [Indicates that he’s not interested in French Canadian soaps. Presses button.]
TV …The best Q-tips in town!…
M [Indicates that he doesn’t care for infomercials. Presses button.]
TV [Sings the Theme Song for “Hockey Night in Canada/La soirée du hockey à Radio-Canada”.]
M [Smiles and watches avidly.]
A beat.
W [Frowns at M. Grabs remote control. Presses button.]
TV [Stops singing. Exits stage centre front.]
M/W [Look bored.]
A beat.
W [Raises her index finder to indicate that she has an idea.]
TR Ding!
W [Turns chair to face M. Begins silent chatter, as if she was talking endlessly about her day.]
M [Eyes progressively close, as if falling asleep.]
W [Notices that M has fallen asleep. Stands up, looking mad, hands on hips. Waves in front of M’s face.]
M [No reaction.]
W [Shakes M’s shoulders.]
M [Wakes up, scared for an instant, and stands, looking surprised.]
W [Begins yelling silently at M, pointing her finger at him.]
M/W [After a short lecture, settle down in her chair. Look bored.]
A beat.
M [Raises his index finder to indicate that he has an idea.]
TR Ding!
M [Stands, faces stage right. Holds hand out to W.]
W [Stands, facing M.]
M [Puts hand on W’s waist.]
M/W [Begin circulating about the stage, with little rhythm and sometimes stepping on each other’s feet. Fall on each other stage centre. Frown.]
A beat.
M [Raises his index finder to indicate that he has an idea.]
TR Ding!
PI [Enters stage left and sits at piano.]
M [Walks to stage centre left. Presses power putton on make-believe radio, and slowly rotates volume knob.]
PI [Plays a waltz.]
M/W [Resume standing position stage centre. Dance about the stage.]
[Lights are cut.]
END OF ACT TWO
| Posted by charlesbergeron on October 11, 2002 with category tags of Skit |
Written by charlesbergeron
| Charles Bergeron |
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