The Cheeseborough Family.
Another typical day in the Cheeseborough household. Mother is dusting and Father is dieing from a mortal axe wound, again.THE LIVING ROOM OF THE CHEESEBOROUGH FAMILY. MRS CHEESEBOROUGH IS DUSTING AND FUSSING AROUND THE FURNITURE. THERE IS A SOFA AND TWO CHAIRS. A COFFEE TABLE. BEHIND THE SOFA IS A BOOKCASE AND A MANTELPIECE. THERE IS A FRONT DOOR ON THE LEFT. MR CHEESEBOROUGH LIES ON THE FLOOR IN FRONT OF THE TABLE WITH A HUGE AXE IN HIS CHEST.
MR CHEESEBOROUGH: Ow ouch ouch ow ow. This is really quite painful.
MRS CHEESEBOROUGH: Yes, I do suppose it would be. But you’ve only got yourself to blame.
MR CHEESEBOROUGH: Ahhrgghhh, I think I’m dieing.
MRS CHEESEBOROUGH: Well, I know I’m dusting but you don’t hear me going on about it.
MR CHEESEBOROUGH: Urgh, I am now dead.
MRS CHEESEBOROUGH: Oh no, not in the living room, Monty. Good grief, polite people die in bed. Never the gentleman, tsk tsk.
MYDAUGHTER CHEESEBOROUGH ENTERS THROUGH THE FRONT DOOR
MYDAUGHTER: Hello Mother Cheeseborough. I have come home from outside. You know it is very cold out in Antarctica. But it’s a good job it’s lovely and warm here. Otherwise I would not have come.
MRS CHEESEBOROUGH: Hello there Mydaughter, I’m afraid I appear to have murdered your father.
MYDAUGHTER: Oh well, never mind. I can always buy a new one.
MYDAUGHTER STEPS FORWARD AND SEES MR CHEESEBOROUGH ON THE FLOOR.
MYDAUGHTER: Eeekk. Where’s the television gone?
MRS CHEESEBOROUGH: Oh. I’ve hidden it. That’s why I murdered your father.
MYDAUGHTER: Oh right. That. In that case everything is fine. Except perhaps that whole Israel Palestine thing.
MRS CHEESEBOROUGH: Oh, I’m so glad it’s not raining, at least not indoors. Yes, horribly rainy outside but fortunately not indoors.
MYDAUGHTER: Mother, have you gone completely mad?
MRS CHEESEBOROUGH: No dear, why do you ask? Is it for a school project?
MYDAUGHTER: No, it’s just I can’t help but notice that that top really doesn’t match with that dress. Such a mistake must surely show insanity in one who reads all the right fashion magazines.
MRS CHEESEBOROUGH: Come now dear. Razzle and Playboy are not fashion magazines.
MYDAUGHTER: No, but it would make London fashion week much more horny if they were.
MRS CHEESEBOROUGH: Horny? Horny!? I should think the last thing London fashion week needs is tusks!
MYDAUGHTER: I don’t know, I think tusks could be really big.
MRS CHEESEBOROUGH: Oh they can. They can. I saw this programme and out in Africa some men have tusks 14 foot long. Or was it elephants?
MYDAUGHTER: Men don’t have elephants.
MRS CHEESEBOROUGH: Oh, men will have anything they want when they’re desperate.
MR CHEESEBOROUGH: (SITTING UP) Ahh, I feel much better now. You know there’s nothing like a quick death. You know I feel like an elephant.
MYDAUGHTER: You don’t look like one.
MRS CHEESEBOROUGH: Yes, let’s all go buy an elephant.
ALL HOLD HANDS AND EXIT THROUGH FRONT DOOR.
ENDS
| Posted by nimrodshair on March 29, 2004 with category tags of Skit |
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Written by nimrodshair
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