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LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE!
Posted by goodladd on February 4, 2010. Tagged with
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A human giant is coming at you
MTV is in search of some cred and they are trying their luck with the new sketch comedy show The Human Giant. I like 'em. Funny guyz Paul "Babyface" Scheer, Rob "OliveGarden" Huebel, Aziz "Wonderboy" Ansari and director Jason "Smartguy" Woliner have made a name for themselves on the 'net but Thursday, April 5th, 10:30EST is their American TV debut.

The first free episode is on iTunes. There are lots of short films, leaks and clips around. They tend toward the weird and wacky (lots of wigs and oddballs) and have an background in improv, friendship, and being funny.
Posted by Mirzipan on April 4, 2007. Tagged with
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Scatter Scores
Alright, this is for the Scattergories players from last night. Including Alice's added point for angina, the scores are as such: Ken 13, Maryam 35, Alice 35, and myself 44. (I didn't cheat, I swear)
And three cheers for Willow. Truly a classic movie that I should have seen in full much earlier than last night.
Posted by Adrienne on March 20, 2005. Tagged with
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BBC London's Live Latest Tube Information
Tube Longer Term Information: Long Term Travel Changes
BAYSWATER STATION: Closes at 2300 each night (except Saturday) for removal of gaslight lamps. Additionally, the condom dispenser will be out of service until 27 February. Please use the rhythm method.
CAMDEN TOWN STATION: on SATURDAYS, no down escalator between 1000 and 1700. Access to platforms is via a spiral staircase or ventilation duct. On SUNDAYS, the station is exit only between 1300 and 1730 due to local infestation of raccoons.
HEATHROW TERMINAL 4 STATION (Piccadilly line): Closed until September 2006 for building work for Terminal 5 station. A shuttle bus manned by men in bowlers will be provided for fares. The Heathrow Express will be renamed Father Christmas' Spotted Delivery December 2006.
WEMBLEY PARK STATION: REVISED arrangements apply as platforms 2 3 and 6 are now closed due to rave culture.
WOODFORD STATION: The entrance to the westbound platform has now been replaced by a force-field and is accessible only to humans with phase-shift capabilities.

Tube Longer Term Information: Lift & Escalator Details
ARCHWAY STATION: No down escalator service until July 2005. Access to platforms is via a refurbished coal chute.
CANARY WHARF STATION: A reduced escalator service until March 2005. Please note that the escalator has been reduced and not the service. A ten-foot leap is now required to disembark without injury.
HIGHBURY & ISLINGTON STATION: Until March 2005, access to platforms must be earned in a best-two-out-of-three duel with renowned fencer, Sir Charles Unsbridge.
LEICESTER SQUARE STATION: Reduced escalator service to the Piccadilly Line platforms until March 2005 or a size-5 threaded bolt is found.
LONDON BRIDGE STATION: A reduced escalator service fron the main ticket hall to the Jubilee line until April 2005. Local crowd control measures may need to be implemented due to spontaneous cricket matches on platform 2.
SEVEN SISTERS STATION: The Seven Sisters Road entrance will be closed until August 2005 due to "football enthusiasts". Customers without a cudgel must use the High Road entrance.
TOOTING BEC STATION: No down escalator service until April 2005 due to excessive juvenile graffiti on station signage.
VAUXHALL STATION: No down escalator from the ticket hall to the Victoria Line until April 2005. No down escalator from the Reading Street entrance to the ticket hall until May 2005. In addition, no up escalator service until September 2005. No entry at Cannery Street due to toxic gas seepage until June 2005. It is best to avoid Vauxhall Station if at all possible.

Tube Longer Term Information: Weekend Travel Changes
WEEKEND TRAVEL CHANGES FOR TODAY SUNDAY 27 FEBRUARY:
JUBILEE LINE: No service between Kingsbury and Waterloo due to intermittent wildlife crossing. Passenger journey times may be increased by up to 40 minutes. Please refrain from throwing objects at the animals. Do not taunt any animals that might appear at your window.
METROPOLITAN LINE: No service at Harrow-on-the-Hill and Aldgate. Those stations totally suck.
CHILTERN RAILWAYS: All day today, no Chiltern service between Amersham and Marylebone due to gross overestimation of tunnel height by driver.
NORTHERN LINE: No southbound service between Camden Town and Kennington (via Bank) at peak period. Local crowd control measures may be implemented, including but not limited to cattle prods.
HIGH STREET KENSINGTON STATION: Today until 1000, the station is closed. No rail replacement bus service will be provided. People approaching the station to inquire within will be fired upon by the SAS. Passengers on trains travelling through the station may be subjected to bolts of electricity.

Thank you for your patience.
Posted by vinny9 on February 27, 2005. Tagged with

 

Executive Dining, A Farce



Meet James Porter, above, a dignified, successful and very well-dressed business executive, who arrives at an upscale restaurant for an important meeting, only to find that this is a restaurant with some VERY strict requirements.



All comments, thoughts, criticism, suggestions are appreciated! Any details left out? Tell me!
Posted by peterwellington on December 26, 2004. Tagged with
4586 words in full | | Read 12 Replies...

 

Worst ad ever for a cell phone company...
Goal: To create the worst ad ever for a cell phone company which is trying to sell phones to the pre-teen market.

Scene (:30 sec)
Fade in...a young boy with thick black rimmed glasses wearing a bulky winter coat is struggling to get his backpack off inside a school hallway. Once the backpack is off he unzips the bag, pulls out all his books and starts digging around in the bottom of the bag. After 5 seconds of searching he produces a quarter.

He piles his books up and sruggles to push them toward the wall where 2 payphones are hanging. Using his makeshift "book step stool" he strains on his tiptoes to reach the slot to insert his quarter. Sadly, he cannot reach high enough.

He sits down sadly on his pile of books, when a young female classmate walks up and hands him hercell phone. The boy looks at her with thanks in his eyes and flips the phone open displaying the brand name on the phone display.

He dials

Voiceover (female "motherly voice")
"Sometimes you just need to talk to your mom"

The boy lifts the phone to his ear.
"Mom? The gym teacher touched me again"

Fade out

Fade in - Product shot w/voiceover

"The new XXXX from XXXXXX - don't you wish you could always be there"
Posted by NotQuiteWrite on December 21, 2004. Tagged with
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Finding my Call-ing just a few times
How'd you like to come home and find folks have left behind their very important MESS- agES
Posted by trckands on December 5, 2004. Tagged with
1201 words in full | | Read 1 Reply...

 

1-800-HOLLICT
Want to make a collect call while reducing the likely hood that you'll get laid? Then, you should really try us on for size.
Posted by trckands on November 19, 2004. Tagged with
211 words in full |

 

I've got bad news, and good news: The execution skit
INT:

A drab gray room has several men in fatigues, with large
knives, standing behind American TV personality Mark Hopkins, of the Mark Hopkins Show, who wears a jumpsuit and is blind folded. He bobs his head as if he hears a song
in his head.

A man with a large sword approaches him after he adjusts a video camera, catching the whole scene.

Executioner:

What are you doing Hopkins? There is no music in here!

Hopkins:

I can't get this song out of my head: "Hey Mr. Taliban, Taliban banana, Bagdad hot and I wanna go home."

Executioner:

“Hopkins, you are an infidel! An infidel, an infidel!
By the way, how was your breakfast?

Hopkins:

Not bad, thanks, but a bit spicy, so don't be offended if I'm a bit gassy. (farts)

Executioner:

Infidel! Infidel! Infidel (coughs)
(waves hand in front of his face)
Jeez, who's killing who here!
Where was I?...
I have bad news and I have good news for you.

Hopkins:

“What’s the bad news?”

Executioner:

“Your head comes off on Monday”

Hopkins:

“Damn, I hate Mondays, I never have anything good happens on a Monday”


Executioner:
(crosses arms smugly)

“So, ready to plead for your pathetic life?”

Hopkins

“I’m not really the pleading type, besides, I’ve been
Pretty depressed lately.”

Executioner:

“OH, come now, plead just a little bit?”

Hopkins:

“No, not my style. Just get it over with,
With Seinfeld cancelled and only reality tv,
You might as well cut my head off.”

Executioner:

“Trust me, you’re no Seinfeld...you have too many puns
and your humor borders on the tasteless...
Oh come now, plead a little, we’re wasting tape!”

Hopkins:

“Hey...I thought you said you had good news?”

Executioner:

“Oh, I’m saving a ton of money on my car insurance.”

Hopkins:
(pulls off his blindfold)
“Can I have their number?”

Executioner:

‘Sure, my friend, I give you the number Tuesday.”

Hopkins:

“Cool,....hey...wait a minute...Tuesday?

Both start laughing with their heads titled back, give each other a high-five
And freeze frame.
Posted by NickVegas on October 28, 2004. Tagged with
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Woodland Con-Creatures
Another hard days work at the Parks.
Posted by trckands on October 21, 2004. Tagged with
1709 words in full | | Read 1 Reply...

 

Ain't just, Super Mark - it
You've heard of bar hopping right? These peoaple are S-hopping
[S(tore)-hopping]. And these people in the stores are getting more than they bargained for.
Posted by trckands on September 26, 2004. Tagged with
1087 words in full | | Read 2 Replies...

 

Cattle Approbation Festival, Letter On - May 18, 1864
The following telegram was received by the Ministry of Livestock from Alderman Crommeth Wentwhistle of Shropshire County and reprinted here fully by permission of Chief of Council Windlemark Penningforth -

Sir, it is with great regret that I must inform you of our County's opposition to your Cattle Approbation Festival to be held on Lord Stentbender's property, within Shropshire County, on the forth-coming September 14th in the year of Our Lord 1864.

The County Council wishes it to be known that Lord Stentbender's property will be overrun with foul beasts of all manner of cattlery and the subsequent odours emanating from the property shall surely give the fair residents of our County, good Christian men every one with nary a Moor in sight, an infection of the French Disease. While such an afflication may suitable for the French, it is of no use to the Queen's men.

And while Lord Stentbender may happily return to his house in the City when the Festival has ended, our residents may not avail themselves of such luxury as they are all still reeling from the unjust imposition of a Vaccine Tax. The pointless inoculation of our citizens has left them impecunious.

The Council wishes it to be known that re-numeration to the members of our Council can be sent that would allow us, in good conscience, to allow the Festival to proceed. The following is a list of acceptable items:
6oz. roast beef, 11lb of potatoes, 11lb of plum pudding, 3 trollops from either St. Pancras or Marylebone workhouses, 1lb sugar, 2lb tobacco or snuff, a sack of oranges and lemons from St. Clemens, or 3 pounds, 4 shillings apiece.

Good-day to you,
Alderman Crommeth Wentwhistle, Esq.
Posted by vinny9 on September 26, 2004. Tagged with

 

Life with Bonet
Hi,
I have an Idea for a Mad TV or SNL type skit.
Posted by wahini on July 19, 2004. Tagged with
86 words in full | | Read 7 Replies...

 

Skittering across the floor
Who doesn't like babies?
Posted by vinny9 on June 25, 2004. Tagged with
213 words in full | | Read 4 Replies...

 

Parody of Judge Judy
America's favorite red-haired judicial dominatrix, in all her heavy-handed glory.
Posted by NewsReeler on June 13, 2004. Tagged with
1703 words in full | | Read 6 Replies...

 


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