Finding my Call-ing just a few times
How'd you like to come home and find folks have left behind their very important MESS- agES[He is very professional and never loses his seriousness. He’s speaking slowly so the person hearing the message can write it down.]
Answering Machine: Hi we’re not home. Leave a message and we’ll call you back.
Person: Hi. this is Tim Curlins calling for Christine Anderfrends. Christine, I have an urgent personal matter to discuss with you. If you could please give me a call back my number is 457-632-947-846-973-674-563-289-962-538-5467. I have something very important that you’re going to need to hear so please give me a call back as soon as possible. Have a nice day. Goodbye.
BEEP
Answering Machine: Hi we’re not home. Leave a message and we’ll call you back.
Person: (talking to the other person on three-way with him) I want you to be on the phone in order to keep the answering machine going in case something happens that I have to deal with. If I gotta drop the phone for a second, I’m still gonna need to finish the message. So, just keep talking. Ok? You’re there, right?
Person2: I’m here.
Person: All right just stay on the phone.
Person: (now addressing the answering machine) Hi. This John Forger. The reason I’m calling is because… (From here on quotes indicate when he’s shouting at something in the room) "Hey get back here!”, I want to talk to you about these…Man! “Put that down! Don’t touch that!, Put that down!,” I was really hoping you could pick up these… “Stay over there!, Geebler, Don’t, Don’t throw that. Hey!” (Loud metal bang) “OWWW!”
Person2: (In a low cool calm voice) I’m sure that didn’t hurt……… that hard.
Person: (Gets back on the phone breathing heavy and quickly) These Keemy Geeblers are really hard to take care of. I’m starting to think that getting these Keemmy Geeblers was not such a good idea. “Stop that!” I've been rethinking our decision to let them stay here. We(!) were supposed to take care of them, together(!). Remember?, You haven’t helped out with these little monsters since we first got ‘em. I’ve been alone with these things for two weeks and they’re really starting to get out of control.
Person: “Leave that alone. Don’t pull that out. Oww! Geebler! You get back over here!” (Sound of a lot of things falling over clanging to the ground) “ Damn It! Owwww!”
Person2: (In a low cool calm voice) He’s probably not even injured……….. that bad.
Person : “Don’t tip….(running footsteps, grunt) that over. Leave that where it is.”
Person: I’m thinking about taking them back. They’re a lot of work to take care of. I can’t believe that you bailed on me! I’ve got half a mind to tell your mom about these Kimmy Geeblers that you so convincingly talked me into getting with you. I’m sure she’s wouldn't be too happy if she found out. I never should’ve let you talk me into this. Ohhhhh. What am I doing? “Quit rocking that!”, Oh shit I gotta catch that so it doesn’t…. (Sound of phone being throw to floor and then running) “No!!!” (Loud bang) “Oww! Oww! My leg!”
Person2: (In a low cool calm voice) I’m sure he’s gonna be allright. He’s probably not even gonna have to go to the hospital… that much.)
Person: (Sound of phone being picked back up and panting) I need you to call me back. So, please call me at 547- AHHHHHHHH
(Answering machine beeps quieter and then the answering machine cuts off.)
BEEP
Person: Hi. This is me calling you, since you told me to. But you know that, ‘cause (laugh) you’re over here right now. (talking to someone in the room) “Say hi to your answering machine.”
Person2: (In background) No!, Where’s your liquor cabinet.
Person: Right about now your ready to have a good time. Anyway I’m just leaving this message to remind you to put the 500 dollars I just lent you into your checking account.
Person2: (In background) Owwwoooh!! That's some good liquor.
Person: That’s you in the background. Ha ha.
(Someone on the same line as the answering machine picks up.)
Bob(Answering Machine Owner): Hello, Tim?
Tim(aka: Person): Bob?
Bob: I just got home. What were you talking about? I’m over there?,(laughing in his voice). I just walked in the door what’s going on?
Tim: What? How can you be… But wait….. You’re over at my…..
Ohh Nooo.. I just picked up this guy walking by your house. He was rumaging through your trash, so I figured it was you. I just drove down the block to pick up a pack of cigs; I know I’m not supposed to drive while I’m getting my glasses fixed. I thought it was weird that you wouldn’t just drive your own car. I’m starting to think it’s not you in my living room ‘cause you’re on the phone.
Bob: (laugh) How could that be me if I’m over here Tim?
Tim: I asked him if he was you and he said yes. I did notice you sounded kinda different. So wait…. If you’re there, then, who’s this in my living room? Oh, Oh Gawd! OK look I need you to…..
Person2: (interupting) Let me use that phone!
Tim: I gotta go. He needs to use the phone. Ahhh, if you want to stop by that wouldn’t be such a big deal.
Person2: (Now closer and louder) Come on! Get off that phone.
Tim: (To person in background) I’m getting off right now.
Tim: Well, Well I gotta go
Bob: Yeah?…….
Tim: Look I’m gonna be getting off now so if you could…
Tim: (To person in background) OH. Ok. Yeah. You, you can use the phone. Sure.
Person2: (Growls)
Tim: Oh you’re taking it out of my hand., (hurried) You know, now would be a good time to come over if you want.
Person2: (Grunts)
Tim: He needs to use the phone. So, just come on over, Please. Bye. (Click)
[Bob walks away from the answering machine. Goes over to the livingroom couch, sits down, and turns on the TV.]
End.
| Posted by trckands on December 5, 2004 with category tags of Skit |
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Written by trckands
| Jake Thebeau I've been comming up with funny stuff recently in a wave, things that I've been able to turn into a skit, ad, or song, I've been coming up with stuff and the funnies are still coming steadily. |
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| Until lions have their historians, tales of the hunt shall always glorify the hunter.[quote database] |
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