Dear Universe, II When you hit 50 replies, it's time to start a new thread...
Conductor: I know you are not holding the doors on my train! I'll kick your ass!
Conductor: If you do not step away from the doors the train will keep sitting here, you will not get where you are going, and I will still get paid.
Thug: Anybody who grew up where I grew up knows there's a million things you can do with a mothafuckin' grape!
--23rd & 7th
| Hobo putting hand on Justin Timberlake look-alike's shoulder: Oh, shit! It's Justin Timberlake, everybody!|
Look-alike: Uh, what?
Tourist teenybopper: Can I have your autograph, please?
Look-alike: I'm not Justin Timberlake.
Tourist teenybopper: But you are.
Hobo, to look-alike: Dude, you work with me here, okay? We'll do business. [To train] Ten bucks for Justin Timberlake's autograph, everyone! For 20 bucks he'll dance for you.
Tourist teenybopper: I have five dollars...
Hobo: We're in business!
Look-alike: I'm going to kill you.
Hobo, to look-alike: Damn, this is the best plan I've ever come up with! Except for the time I tried to sell Lindsay Lohan's piss for 20 bucks. Well, it was actually my own piss. I think God put me on this Earth to fuck with people.
| GUY TALKING TO HIS MATH HOMEWORK: How many ways is it possible to do this wrong? ... Oh, you're going to be a parabola now? Well, fuck you!|
| Stoner: I'm telling you, they need another statue!|
Friend #1: Why?
Stoner: Because when the apocalypse comes and there's all the radiation, the Statue of Liberty is going to come to life!
Friend #2: So?
Stoner: Sooo, she's going to need someone to get it on with!
--Morton & Hudson, West Village
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