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 Conductor: I know you are not holding the doors on my train! I'll kick your ass!
 
 --1 train
 
 Conductor: If you do not step away from the doors the train will keep sitting here, you will not get where you are going, and I will still get paid.
 
 --S train
 
 Thug: Anybody who grew up where I grew up knows there's a million things you can do with a mothafuckin' grape!
 
 --23rd & 7th
 
 
 
 3 comments | | Hobo putting hand on Justin Timberlake look-alike's shoulder: Oh, shit! It's Justin Timberlake, everybody! Look-alike: Uh, what?
 Tourist teenybopper: Can I have your autograph, please?
 Look-alike: I'm not Justin Timberlake.
 Tourist teenybopper: But you are.
 Hobo, to look-alike: Dude, you work with me here, okay? We'll do business. [To train] Ten bucks for Justin Timberlake's autograph, everyone! For 20 bucks he'll dance for you.
 Tourist teenybopper: I have five dollars...
 Hobo: We're in business!
 Look-alike: I'm going to kill you.
 Hobo, to look-alike: Damn, this is the best plan I've ever come up with! Except for the time I tried to sell Lindsay Lohan's piss for 20 bucks. Well, it was actually my own piss. I think God put me on this Earth to fuck with people.
 
 --4 train
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 | GUY TALKING TO HIS MATH HOMEWORK:  How many ways is it possible to do this wrong? ... Oh, you're going to be a parabola now?  Well, fuck you! |  |  | 
 
 | Stoner: I'm telling you, they need another statue! Friend #1: Why?
 Stoner: Because when the apocalypse comes and there's all the radiation, the Statue of Liberty is going to come to life!
 Friend #2: So?
 Stoner: Sooo, she's going to need someone to get it on with!
 
 --Morton & Hudson, West Village
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