It Could Happen!

[A man is sitting in a grand, wooden chair, reading a leather bound book alone in a very Victorian looking library. He is old, with white hair, a beard, and thick black rimmed glasses. He has on a tweed jacket with leather elbow patches. He looks up from his book and faces the camera.]

Host: Good evening. There are certain events which shape our world history. Occurrences, which, had they never happen, would profoundly alter the world we live in. What if the attack on Pearl Harbor had been prevented? What if Jesus had not been crucified? And so on. Here on 'The Possibility of Things', we try to imagine, as best we can, how history would have been reshaped, based on provocative 'what if' questions. Tonight, we try to answer our most popular web 'what if'.

[Host closes his book, and picks up another one]

Host: (In a theatrical voice) What if King Kong had survived!?

[Strange music and fade effects. In black and white, we see King Kong fall to the ground. Onlookers are stunned. Just then everything is colorized, and King Kong slowly sits up]

King Kong (KK): Ugh, fall hurt head. Ability to speak, gained.

[A very 50's looking reporter, with a short sleeve white shirt, glasses, and a 'press' sign in his hat, holds a notepad and pen up to KK]

Reporter: Mr. Kong, you've just survived a fall from the Empire State Building. What are you gonna do now?

KK: King Kong sue US government. Basic human rights violated by army attack!

Reporter: But forgetting that you aren't human, where would you ever find a lawyer willing to represent you?

[KK pauses]

KK: Then King Kong become lawyer!

[Various shots of people gasping; a businessman, a little girl, an old man with a cane, and then there's a cab driver who is just around smoking. He 'realizes' he's being watched and looks into the camera]

Cabbie: Eh, you drive a hack in dis town long enough, ain't nothin gonna surprise you.

[Inspirational music plays as we see a montage of KK reading impossibly small books outside a library, reading books late at night lying on a rooftop, using a street lamp for light, filling out forms with the aid of a huge magnifying glass, and finally receiving a tiny letter admitting him to law school]

Narrator: (in a very 50's narrator voice]And so, despite all his obstacles, King Kong succeeds where so many foreigners fail, and begins his time at New York law school.

[Montage resumes as we see KK go through law school right up to graduation. As the music ends the camera pans from graduation to the NY Court House, with a storm brewing overhead]

[On a black screen white letters appear saying '5 months later']

[A judge is handed a verdict, in an open air court room, he reads it to himself while maintaining a poker face]

[KK appears very nervous, pulling on his nice tie (no suit) and sweating]

Judge: On the sole count, King Horatio Kong versus the United States Army, The National Guard, and the New York Police department, how do you find?

[Cut to the jury box, filled with assorted primates]

Foreman Orangutan: Ooh ooh aah eeh!

[Subtitles, 5 Million dollars to be awarded to the plaintiff from each respective organization]

[KK celebrates as a bunch of army people storm out unhappily]

General: Damn jury of his peers!

[We then see in the courtroom, standing next to each other a little boy, an attractive woman, and a gorilla]

Boy: You were right Mr. Kong, I only needed to believe in myself. I'm gonna follow my dreams from now on and stay off the smack.

Woman: I've decided Kingy, I will marry you.

Gorilla. Ooh ugh, uh uh.

[Subtitle, I forgive you for not growing up to be a geographical surveyor, I love you son]

[Shot zooms in on KK's face]

KK: Yabba dabba dooo!

[Fade out, back to the old man in the library]

Host: There you have it ladies and gentleman, the alternate fate of King Kong, as calculated to a mathematical certainty. Join us next week for 'What if The Dukes of Hazzard was set under the sea? '