Down at the Doctor's
Mum knew there was something wrong with her son Kevin, but she didn't realise it was quite this bad....Down at the Doctors
By Greg Butler
Mum: I told you this would happen if you didn’t wear your vest
Kevin: Ouurghhh
Nurse: The doctor will see you now Mrs. Smith, Mr. Smith...
Dad: Thank you nurse, come on Kevin.
Kevin: Ouurghhh
Mum: Oh Doctor it’s my son Kevin, I’m terribly worried about him he hasn’t moved from in front of the television for about a year, he looks awful….
Doctor: I see…Mmmmmm yes you’re right he is pretty ugly, and he doesn’t look too healthy either.
Dad: Say hello to the Doctor Son
Kevin: Ouurghhh??
Mum: Say hello to the Doctor Kevin
Kevin: Ouurghhh (as indifferent greeting)
Doctor: mmm…..how long as he been like this?
Dad: Oh about fifteen years now
Doctor: I see. Well, I’ll have to do a few tests.
Mum: The doctor’s going to have a look at you now son.
Kevin: Ouurghhh
Doctor: Pulse
Kevin: Ouurghhh
Doctor: hmm…. Reflexes….. (hits knee….no reaction)
Kevin: Ouurghhh
Doctor: uh hm …..Brain Activity (shines light in eyes)
Kevin: Ouurghhh
(Doctor does a few more tests….examines tongue etc….)
Doctor: Yes I see…
Dad: Well? How is he doctor?
Mum: Yes, what’s up with him?
Doctor: Well his heart has stopped, all breathing has ceased and I’d say there’s been no detectable brain activity for at least twelve months.
Mum: Is that Serious ?
Doctor: Well that depends…You see your son is dead.
Dad: Dead?
Mum: Oh no no… Dead? My poor boy… dead! (Kevin hands her a handkerchief) Dead, it can’t be true not my Kevin, Dead….
Dad: Now now Dorothy don’t take it so hard…
Mum: But he’s dead father…
Kevin: Ouurghhh
Doctor: Yes I’m afraid it’s typical of young people now-a-days, they’re so insensitive
Kevin: Ouurghhh…wots up?
Doctor: Well my boy, the news of your departure from the realm of the living appears to have hit your mother rather hard. She hadn’t realised your mortal coil had been so fatally unwound.
Kevin: Ouurghhh??
Doctor: (explaining) You’re dead.
Kevin: Ouurghhh(as though accepting the fact) …….(pause)…I’m not dead
Dad: Look Kevin, If the Doctor says your dead, then you must be….
Kevin: I’m not dead.
Mum: (half frightened) oh look doctor…. he’s moving…
Doctor: Nothing to worry about Mrs. Smith, merely spasmodic nervous twitchings before rigor mortis sets in.
Mum: Will it last very long?
Doctor: Mmmm, Hard to say….days, weeks, could be years….
Dad: Well couldn’t you do something to speed up the process?
Doctor: The problem is there’s rather a long waiting list for parents wanting to get rid of their sons… the Practice just can’t cope.
Mum: But we can’t carry on like this
Kevin: Ouurghhh
Dad: Isn’t there anything else we can do Doctor?
Doctor: Well, yes, but it means specialist private treatment.
Dad: That sounds expensive…
Doctor: Yes it’s not cheap, but then you have to weigh it up against the cost of feeding him, having the TV and all the lights in the house on all the time and keeping him in Acne cream.
Mum: He’s got a point there Father.
Dad: You’re right Dorothy, you only live once…..
Kevin: Ouurghhh
Dad: I’ll make a cheque out now doctor (gets out his cheque book and starts writing)
Doctor: Right Mrs. Smith if you could just roll up his sleeve…...Nurse a 10% solution please…(she’s gives him needle)
Mum: (she complies) The doctor’s going to treat you now Son
Kevin: Ouurghhh
Doctor: (Inserting blue fluid)…..there you go
Kevin: Ouurghhh (slumps over)
Mum: Oh Doctor, I don’t know how we can thank you…
Doctor: No problem at all Mrs Smith. (to Mr Smith) ten thousand Dollars is thanks enough. Would you like me to look after the body or would you like to take it as a souvenir.
Mum: Oh I don’t know, what do you think father?
Dad: It’s up to you love.
Mum: I’m tempted to take it, but it’ll just be another thing to gather dust. No, you look after it, after all You always know what’s best Doctor.
BLACK OUT
| Posted by GregsGreats on October 1, 2003 with category tags of Skit |
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Written by GregsGreats
| Greg Butler Writer of Sketches plays amd Musicals |
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