The Latronda Brown Show
Because fat people have had it TOO good for TOO long.ANNOUNCER
Are you schizophrenic and have a daughter with multiple sclerosis who dresses too sexy? Would you like to come on The Latronda Brown show and have a mother/daughter makeover? If so, give us a call!
(THEME MUSIC)
LATRONDA
Thank you! Thanks! Welcome back to the Latronda Brown Show. We've been talking to Jody. She has an amazing story to tell. She's 33 years old and without a child. She's unable to have children herself so she turned to adoption. But the government said she was too fat to adopt.
We took a break because things got a little too emotional. Now Jody, I want you to tell me exactly what happened.
JODY
ok-
LATRONDA
No matter how painful it is.
JODY
Alright-
LATRONDA
Even if you have to cry.
JODY
OK, when the--
LATRONDA
And if you start bawling and a camera man gets real close to zoom in on the tears, and you can't quite get them to roll down your cheek, just remember how you felt when that Ford Festiva ran over your short haired-tortoiseshell cat last Tuesday.
JODY
How did you know about Princess?
LATRONDA
Shuuussh. Don't concern yourself with that. It's over...Just tell us your story. Remember: tears.
(LATRONDA HANDS JODY A BOX OF TISSUES)
JODY
After the adoption agency called to tell me I was too fat to adopt a baby, I decided I just needed to go out an have a good time. You know, pick myself up-
LATRONDA
And that's quite a chore considering your weight! (Rim shot) (laughs) Let's hear it for Rand Walker and the Latronda Brown Band!. (laughs) We're talking to Jody. Jody, continue your story.
JODY
I decided I just needed to go out an have a good time. So I went out to my favorite bar, a nightclub just for overweight people and their admirers.
It's called The Plump Oven.
(MUSIC PLAYS IN BACKGROUND)
JODY
And I met this guy and at first he seemed really nice. You see, ever since I--
LATRONDA
Whoops! Jody, I want you to hold that thought. That music means it's time for The LATRONDA BOOK CLUB!
JODY
(crying) (undecipherable words)
LATRONDA
Jody, who's show is this? Look up there: (points to sign that says THE LATRONDA BROWN SHOW) I can't see too well... does that say The Blubbering Barren Fat Girl Show? No. I didn't think so. It's my show. Shut up.
LATRONDA COMPOSES HERSELF
LATRONDA
I'm very excited about today's book club. Let's bring out the author of today's selection, Dash Martin.. Dash come on out here!
(THEME MUSIC SWELLS AND DIES DOWN)
DASH MARTING
Oh Latronda, it's so good to be here
LATRONDA
I know it is, isn't it? Dash, I want to ask you about your book, it's just a fascinating and wonderful read. I think I agree with ever word in it, and it really is a global problem that you outline so eloquently. What can nations do to curb this, to prevent it from happening?
DASH MARTIN
What you'll find from reading my book is that we need governments to enforce strict laws.
Our nation can not, will not, and should not be held hostage by these menaces. We should hunt them down. Torture them. Rip every limb out of their bodies and then sew them on backwards. And then dress them up like Shirley Temple and shock their genitals repeatedly with tasers. Then, we'll dip them in chewy car-a-mel and nugget and eat them Baby Ruth-style. After that, we will take turns defecating their unprocessed remains into giant poop pile while underage children dance and frolic in the fecal splendor.
LATRONDA
mmhhmm..I agree totally. That's exactly why we named this book, Latronda's Book Club Selection of the month.
(THEME MUSIC IN BACKGROUND)
We have to take a quick break, but I want to thanks to Dash Martin, author of "Lard Asses Don't Deserve Love: Ending the Social Disease That Is Fat People". When we come back: More of Jody's heart wrenching, horrific tale on the Latronda Brown Show!
ANNOUNCER
Are you a white woman dating a Neo-Nazi skin head or member of the KKK and you'd like to tell your lover that you're really a male African American Jew who dabbles in the occult and speaks to household appliances in a special language you created...and you're cheating on him with the toaster oven? You could be a guest on Latronda Brown.
| Posted by Dweezil2000 on November 5, 2003 with category tags of Skit |
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Written by Dweezil2000
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