Dinsey is Revolting.

This skit evolved from a comic I made a while ago. It's nice when my hobbies can come together like this... wait, if my comics and my skits are in the same place... You're killing independant George!

[A car pulls into a driveway. Two guys get out and walk into a house, as they are walking they talk.]

Man1: My God, 40 hours, what a marathon.

Man2: Yeah, but admittedly, those were the 40 best episodes of the view ever!

Man1: Word. Hey turn on CNN I wonder what's been happening since we've been gone.

[Man2 goes up to the TV and turns it on]

Man2: OK, but this early in the morning it's all rebroadcasts of… Oh my God.

Man1: What, what get out of the way I want to see… Holy shit.

[Scene shifts to the origin of the broadcast, a newsroom with an anchor]

Aaron Brown (AB): For those of you just joining us, I'm Aaron Brown from CNN New York bringing you live coverage of hour 36 of the crisis in the Magic Kingdom. Again if you're just tuning in the Disney Corporation has annexed the southern part of the United States and is declaring itself an independent state. This landmass includes roughly half the US, it should be noted that both Disneyland and Disneyworld theme parks are within this territory. I'm just hearing now that our correspondent there, Anderson Cooper has an interview with a representative from Disney. We now go live.

[Scene shifts to Anderson and a man in a suit with a Mickey Mouse tie]

Anderson Cooper (A): I'm here with [explosions heard in background] John Harpman. As you may hear the fighting is taking place just miles away, and from what I've seen the Disney army has the upper hand.

John Harpman (J): Yes that's largely thanks to our special Disney brand ballistic missiles.

A: What exactly makes them so special?

J: They always give us a happy ending.

A: I have to ask, how was Disney able to stage such a successful attack? I doubt there are any countries out there who could have accomplished this kind of military victory.

J: Well, we had a lot of agents planted in key positions in government. I'm sure you've heard people call Bush a "Mickey Mouse president". Why, when Eisner heard that he was sure security had been breached.. Ten top executives were hanged before someone explained to him the significance of the term.

A: So these hidden operatives were key to your victory?

J: Yes, our sleeping beauty cells. They worked out great.

A: What, in particular, if anything prompted Disney to succeed like this?

J: I'm glad you asked, because really, there are many factors. First off, ABC ratings are way down. If they were the only network on TV, we predict that ratings would take a modest climb.

A: Even on shows like George Lopez or other such new ABC comedies?

J: The Disney corporation disavows knowledge of such emissions.

A: So that's it? This is a result of a dwindling ABC network?

J: Well, there's a bit more too it than that. Most people at Disney considered Dreamwork's Shrek a personal attack on us. And when Dreamworks then released on video "Disney Heroines Gone Wild" that was the last straw.

A: Most people watching are probably wandering how will the new state be ruled?

J: Disnation. We aren't a state, we're a disnation. It's like the difference between an ordinary DVD and Disney DVD.

A: And what is that difference?

J: Subliminal messages. Now you asked about leadership, well our head of government will be Michael Eisner of course. Rather than prime minister though, he has chosen the title of handsome prince. He will appoint ministers to our parliament and we'll all be governed happily ever after.

A: And what about a head of state?

J: Why, Walt Disney himself will do that.

A: You mean he's still alive?

J: Well, he's still frozen in ice. We've kept him under the surface of the Anaheim Pond for the last few years but now it's time for him to take his rightful place as leader.

A: How can he be head of state form a block of ice.

J: We're working on automated scissors. Most of his duties would involve cutting ribbons.

A: Um, but there is more to being the head of state than cutting ribbons, right? Doesn't he have to represent your country abroad?

J: Oh, yes of course. For that we already have an idea. You see in our animated masterpiece Hercules, Hades could read minds.

A: I'm not sure I follow.

J: James Woods, who played Hades is in territory controlled by us. He'll soon be reprising his role and he will read Mr. Disney's mind and tell us his will!

A: Can James Woods read minds?

J :[threateningly] He better learn.

A: Thanks you Mr. Harpman. I'm Anderson Cooper reporting live.

[Scene shifts back to newsroom]

AB: Thank you Anderson, we… I'm getting an audio feed. The Disney parliament, also called the house of mouse has just officially announced the declaration of independence of the sovereign disnation of Disneyworld.

[scene reverts to the two guys sitting watching the news, they both looked shocked]

Man1: My God, I'm speechless. I can't believe what I just heard.

Man2: Me either, they should have called it Disneyland.






Posted by Reverend_Jerry on December 4, 2002 with category tags of

1 comment
   comment by anonymous on March 10, 2003


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