Flower Power

[A retired man wearing a plaid shirt
and an old man hat walks into the room.  He is carrying a small watering
can.  There is a large number of flowers and plants in pots around
the room.  He starts watering the plants.]

FLOWER: [cheerfully] Guten Tag!

[Retired man looks around, slightly
puzzled.  Seeing nothing unusual, he goes back to watering plants.]

FLOWER: Guten Tag, meinen Herrn!

[Retired man looks around more attentively,
puzzled.  He begins searching through the plants].

FLOWER: Hier, mein Herr!  Nicht jener
Pflanzen!

[Retired man identifies the sound as
coming from a large, brightly-coloured flower on the opposite side of the
room from where he started.  He stares at it intently.]

FLOWER: [ever cheerfully] Guten
Tag!  Ich bin eine Blume!  Bitte geben Sie mir Wasser!

[Retired man pauses, then stands up
straight and looks toward the door].

RETIRED MAN: [shouting] Honey! 
Your flower's Germanating!

[Pause]

WIFE: I'll be there in a minute!

[Retired Man and Flower share
an awkward pause, neither willing to be the first to engage in conversation.
Wife enters room.]

WIFE: I don't hear anything.

RETIRED MAN: It was just doing it a minute
ago...

[Wife and man stare at flower,
impatiently.  Pause.]

FLOWER: Guten Tag, Herrn und Frau...

RETIRED MAN: [to wife, triumphantly]
See?

FLOWER: Ich bin eine Blume!

WIFE: What does it want?

RETIRED MAN: I dunno.

FLOWER: Geben Sie mir bitte Wasser!

RETIRED MAN: I think it wants bitter
water.

WOMAN:  I think there's some American beer in the fridge.
[Leaves to get beer]

[Man and Flower share awkward pause]

RETIRED MAN:  So, you're, uhh...
perennial?

WOMAN:  Here we are! [Man looks relieved] 
Something delicious for my hybiscus!  [pours bottle on Flower]

FLOWER: [Annoyed] Nein! Das ist nicht gut!  Kaltes
Bier!  Das ist furchtbar scheisslich!

RETIRED MAN: It doesn't sound very happy.

WOMAN: Oh dear.  If only I could cheer it up. [Pause] 
Oh, I know!  Germans like the techno, don't they?

RETIRED MAN:  Yes, that's right.  We saw that on "Touched
by an Angel".

FLOWER:  Ja!  Techno!  Das ist gut!

WOMAN: Hmm, let's see here... [digs through pile of old records
in the corner of the room, beside an old record player] Ahh, here we
are!  Techno by Guy Lombardo, as heard on [impressed] the Ed
Sullivan Show!

[Woman puts record on turntable.  Techno music begins. 
Retired man and wife each begin dancing a very understated and deliberate
old person shuffle dance to the music. 

Posted by chrisdye on December 27, 2002 with category tags of Skit

5 comments

the first part was very cool i say make american beer into Bud, and have the UN CEO arrest everyone to end the skit.    → comment by dustin (#1) on December 27, 2002, Rated it 5 Um...what? Your sketch needs a single point of focus.    → comment by anonymous on January 2, 2003, Rated it 1 I agree with the above. This skit needs to be a little less all over the place. Some tangential funny is ok. Nothing but tangential funny is disorienting.    → comment by vinny9 (#33) on January 4, 2003, Rated it 2 Holy Shit that was funny! Yeah, it's long and has no focus, but that never stopped Monty Python.    → comment by frood (#50) on January 10, 2003, Rated it 5 Hi there, Please note, that I'm offering a link exchange and I have sites with good page rank. If you would like to swap links, please send me your website details. In case this letter is of no interest for you, please excuse me for bothering you and accept my wishes for a great day! Best Regards, Jeanette Brookner    → comment by 3 on November 4, 2005

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