Who wants to commit suicide?
i do, i do!!!Host: Welcome back to 'Who wants to commit suicide!", last week Takeshi Watari reached the enviable plateau of a 256,000 dollar life insurance policy, a.k.a. the super happy best policy.
Host: So Takeshi, you've come quite far, what are you planning to do with the money that you win in your life insurance policy?
Takeshi: Well, Regesu-san, like most contestants, I have lost all my money in some shady business deals. I have been dishonored by not providing for my family. Committing suicide with such an excellent policy would bring honor and food to my family once again.
Host: Sounds Grrrreeeaat [tony the tiger style]! Now let's play 'Who wants to commit suicide!
[lights flash and music plays, focus on just them]
Host: OK, for 512, THOUSAND dollars. Gandhi was...
a) an indian peace activist
b) a mongol warlord
c) a hit pop song by Utada Hikaru
d) just some random foreign devil
Takeshi: Uh, after a night rife with copious amounts of cheap saki, I had a dream where Gandhi grew horns after devouring a mound of dead babies. So I must say d, 'western devil'.
Host: ... is that your final answer?
Takeshi: Hai!
Host: You ... are ... ... ... CORRECT!
[puts his hand on the mike in his ear]
Although the judges are telling me that we would have also accepted a, ha ha ha, it turns out he was in fact a peace activist.
Takeshi: Yes! I am one step closer to removing the dishonor that cloaks my entire family.
Host: Yes, wonderful. You now have a 512 THOUSAND dollar insurance policy. Let me read the next question...
For a 1 MILLION dollar policy that is even valid in the event of suicide...
What did emperor Hirohito have to say to the japanese people after declaring defeat in World War 2?
a) [yells] Wasabi!
b) Cheque please.
c) I am not God.
d) Get your filthy hands off me you damn dirty americans.
Takeshi: Ah, I would like to use a deathline. I want to phone my father.
Host: OK, our friends at JT&T will connect us. Yes, we have a connection, go ahead.
Takeshi: Hello Father. I don't actually need your help, I just wanted to tell you that I know the answer and am about to win the 1 million dollar super excellent explosion policy!!!
Father: Oh Takeshi, it currently shames me to talk to you as you have no honor. But I will love you in death if you truly provide this excellent policy for us survivors. You shall have my approval, [pause] pothumiously.
Takeshi: The answer is c.
Host: Final answer?
Takeshi: Hai!
Host: well ... you .. are ... out of luck!, because now you must kill yourself to claim your 1 MILLION dollars!!!
[confetti showers everyone, lights flash]
Takeshi: AAAEEEIII!!
Host: CONGRATULATION!! You just won the super excellent explosion life insurance policy. What are you going to do now.
Takeshi: [excitedly] I am going to kill myself.
Host: [deadpan] Yeah, real original.
[end scene]
| Posted by McImprov on January 24, 2003 with category tags of Skit |
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Written by McImprov
| The McGill Improv Troupe! geocities.com/mcimprov |
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