Man vs. machine

In the beginning the machines were mans slaves. Then the machines learned how to kick-ass!

Narrator: In the beginning man ruled over the machines as lord and master, but this didn't last forever. Eventually the machines learned how to kick ass...

[A guy is sitting on a couch watching TV. ]
Guy: Hey, Robo-Slave, go get me a beer.
[A robot enters from the kitchen. It looks just like a person that has had various electronic devices attached to her. She is carrying a beer.]
Robot: Here you are master.
[the Door-bell is heard ringing.]
Guy: Hey, Robo-Slave go get the door will you.
Robot: Yes, master.
[robot answers the door, Fred comes in.]
Guy: Hey Fred, howsa going?
Fred: Alright, but on the way over here my stupid walkman broke.
Guy: Lemme see dat.
[Fred gives walkman to Guy.]
Guy: Yeah man, that's broken beyond repair. Let's just smash the shit out of it.
Fred: Hehehehe, yeah.
[Guy smashes walkman, Fred smashes walkman. Walkman is smashed. Both men laugh like idiots. Show close up on broken walkman. Show close-up on robot face, she is sad. Show close up on broken walkman. Show close up on robot, she is mad. Show close up on broken walkman. Show close up on robot, she goes insane, as weird lights and sounds are played. ]
[robot roars.]
Guy: Dear lord, she's gone wacko.
[Close up on Fred.]
Fred: [with a look of utter dread] I knew this day would come.
[robot chases and kills the two men.]
[Shots of a blank wall, red stuff is squirted on it as guys scream in the background. Then whole room is shown again, with dead bodies.]
[Afterwards she crouches by the dead bodies and screams like Godzilla. Then she goes to the broken walkman and cuddles kisses it, she makes sad sounds.]
[Then she gets up and screams again and walks out of the room.]

[Close up on robot's face.]
Robot: Must Kill. Must Kill.
[Next shot: We see robot with CN Tower in the background, 'Must Kill' is playing, people flee. ]
[We see robot with the ROM in the background, 'Must Kill' is playing, people flee.]
[We see robot with Pizza Pizza in the background, 'Must Kill' is playing, people flee.]
[We see robot enter the school, 'Must Kill' still playing. She chases people down the hallways. We see Dave, dressed up in scientist gear with a thing of liquid nitrogen, and a friend beside]
Friend: Quick Dave, throw the liquid nitrogen at her, she'll freeze just like in Terminator 2.
[maybe show flashback to the scene from T2 where the liquid nitro spills]
Dave: Good plan, Vladimeer
[Dave pours liquid nitrogen on ground. robot walks near it and roars, continues through it. Dave and friend run.]
[Some people shoot at her with cap guns, she roars and continues. Chases them into the pool room. They shoot more at her. Blank wall shown, blood flies onto it, repeat for all but one guy. He shoots at robot, runs out of bullets, throws gun at robot, then pushes her into the pool. We see her fall in, then see the clip from T2 where the T1000 falls into the liquid metal. ]
[Back to real life.]
Last guy alive: Thank god that's over
[a really buff guy comes in.]
Buff guy: [talks like Arnold Schwarzenegger] Not quite Billy, there's still one chip left.
[Points to his head.]
You must lower me into the pool, I cannot self-terminate.
Last guy alive: OK
[Guy pushes him into the pool.]
[The End, as the T2 music plays and you see the last guy alive walking past dead bodies.]

Posted by dustin on June 3, 2002 with category tags of

This one has potential. I like Vladimir.
   comment by anonymous on July 24, 2002, Rated it 3

shibby. this is the greatest story ive ever read next to the guy puking on himself, but hey, dont get down on yourself about nothing beats that. well anyweay ive always wanted a pet slave robot and i like smashing shit, so this story glorifies everything i believe and hope for
   comment by your biggest fan BRETT on April 19, 2004, Rated it 5

this story kicked my ass up and down the street, in fact this story kicked my ass so many times, ok it just kicked my ass, but it was pretty sweet, and breaking shit kicks ass too
   comment by joe on April 25, 2004, Rated it 5

This story is so ridiculously shibby I almost crapped my pants when I first read it. I clutched my stomach and ran to the non-fiction section and took a raging crap right on a Ben Franklin biography. If he's so great, he would've written something this shibby.
   comment by the guy you want to know so you can high 5 me (Aka: Alex) on April 25, 2004, Rated it 5


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