More Shorts

[Two guys, one white, one black, are walking down the street, one of them is eating muffin.]

[A cop car pulls up with its sirens on. An officer steps out]

Cop: Sorry, but you know the law. No sharing of any food with non-family members. Not in public anyway. I'll have to write it up.

Joe: What, come on.

Kieth: I can't believe they passed that law.

[The cop shrugs, and walks to his car to write their ticket]

Kieth: Hey, you still have a knife on you.

Joe: Damn! That's a great idea!

[The cop turns around with his ticket and sees the boys hands pressed against each other with blood dripping down.]

Joe: Ha! You can't touch us now.

Kieth: That's right. We're blood brothers!

Cop: I can't believe they passed that law.

[The cop walks away]

Joe: Hey wait a second, don't you have Hep C?

//

[A guy is sitting in a chair in his apartment watching TV]

TV: Want us to prove how good it is? Call us and we'll buy you a free bar of Old Spice. Limit one per household.

[The guy dials on his phone]

Operator: Old Spice, how can I help you.

Guy: Yeah I want a free bar of Old Spice. My Address is 5489, Arvin. I live in New York. Apartment 203.

Operator: Oh' I'm sorry sir. Limit of one per address.

Guy: What? I never asked for one before.

Operator: Well, sir, you live in an apartment building. If anyone in your building has ever gotten a free stick you can't. And my records say someone has.

Guy. Hmmm?.

Operator: Sir?

Guy: Was it Jimmy?

Operator: Pardon.

Guy: Jimmy, was it Jimmy? Oh, that son of a bitch!

Operator:: Sir, I don't know any Jimmy's.

Guy: It WAS Jimmy, wasn't it!

Operator: I'm sorry sir, you're not making any sense.

Guy: [yelling] Bastard! I'm gonna kill him.

[Scene shifts to a detective hunched over a corpse with a knife in his chest. A detective in the background has Guy in cuffs.]

Detective w/Guy: You're under arrest, for murder.

Detective w/body: Hey Max. Never mind, it's only Jimmy.

[Guy is let out of his cuffs]

Detective w/Guy: Sorry about the misunderstanding.

Detective w/body: Nice part of town, you think I could get a good deal on his place?