In courtroom
Miss Willians: Chauvinistic, I told him that he didn’t have to be so chauvinistic all the time. And he just responded by saying, “Well if you’d really like to see what’s up with my hockey you should come check me out on Tuesdays. And say hello to me after the game, I’ll show ya. Before I come out of the locker room I’ll talk to ya.”Lawyer: So let me ask you this Miss Willians, how did you know my client even plays hockey with a man named Vinny?
Miss Willians: I didn’t,
Lawyer: Oh you didn’t? Then how did you know he shows Vin his stick all the time?
Miss Willians: What?
Lawyer: How did you know he’s always telling Vinny how to place his stick on the ice to better receive the puck?
Miss Willians: That’s not what I meant.
Lawyer: Well that’s what you said isn’t it? You said he was showin’ Vin his stick all the time or in your slang: “he was shovinistic all the time.”
Well that was it? Wasn’t it?
Miss Willians: (replies quietly with a hung head) That’s not what I meant.
Lawyer: Oh so that’s what it is, you’re one of them quiet talkers.
You know a shhhhh-talker.
Miss Willians : (again quietly) A what?
Lawyer: A Shh- talker; a Shtalker.
You were stalking my client. How else would you know that my client plays hockey with Vinny?
How would you even know that he plays hockey? He never told you that.
So you are a shhh-talker.
(he manages to make her confused. Turning her feeling bad about what’s happening into guilt)
Miss Willians : Alright I’m a shhtalker.(in a confessing tone)
Lawyer: So that’s it. You admit it. You stalked my client.
Judge: (getting tired with him) Is that all Mr. Wallins(lawyer)?
Lawyer: NO that’s not it. If it would please the court I’d like to have Miss Willians come down here and stand in the middle here so the jury can see this.(in an asking tone)
Judge : Allright. Miss Willians . (motions with his head to tell her: Go ahead)
Can you try and speed this up? I have a headache.
Miss Willians: (goes and stands next to the attorney.)
Lawyer: (goes up behind her like a magician does that “coin behind the ear” trick, And drops a mint from about her butt’s height. So that the mint appears to fall from her butt. He picks it up and raises it to about head’s height; displaying it.)
Lawyer: Well look at that. A butt mint. (He displays it to the jury)
How could something like this (like the butt-mint) come from such a sweet thing like you?
Miss Willians : What? (she’s almost bored with her tone and rolls her eyes)
Lawyer: Sir and members of the jury my client has not committed the crime for which he is being accused, as the definition under the law states. You must absolve my client of all wrong doing because what he did wasn’t what they say it was. Because ladies and gentlemen, members of the jury, this is herassmint (and slams the mint on the bench).
Jury: Ahhhhhhh(shocked)
(Just then, Miss Willians and the judge lock eyes, and in a lover’s whirlwind, she jumps onto the bench and they lay out on it and get on each other)
Attorney: (yells) You’re on her!(your honor)
The End
| Posted by trckands on April 1, 2004 with category tags of Skit |
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Written by trckands
| Jake Thebeau I've been comming up with funny stuff recently in a wave, things that I've been able to turn into a skit, ad, or song, I've been coming up with stuff and the funnies are still coming steadily. |
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| As all I see, hear, and feel is so tragic, I have become quite numb to it all; I shall die, grotesquely overweight, perversely content, having lived a life of flavor. - Anon.a.mouth[quote database] |
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