Bush as a financial adviser
A very topical skit today. I was doing my taxes and looking at my return, and thinking, "Do I really need that extra $300? Couldn't that be better spent elsewhere, becuase I'll blow it all on PCP and old Donna Summers albums." Anyway, with growing deficit, the cost of the war, the faltering economy, rise in Medicare costs . . . I thought it would be funny to apply Bush's logic to everyday economic situations.A man enters the office of Imperial Financial Advisors. It's an open office with three or four desks in the room, and some large closed offices in the back. As he enters the office, he sees George W. Bush sitting behind his desk watching baseball. A big plaque on his desk reads, "It takes money to have money". The door slams, and the cusotmer approaches W's desk. But, George keeps watching baseball; paying no attention to the customer. Cheney comes out of the back of the room from a large office in the back:
Cheney: George, there's a customer here, please help him.
W: Ohh, hey Dick. I didn't know you were still here. Say, can't you get Condi or Rumsfield to do it.
Cheney: They're out helping other customers. Besides, you need to pull your weight around here.
W: Okay, fine. (Now turning his attention to the cusotmer) Can I help you sir? (Still focused on the TV).
Customer: Yes, Hi. Well you see, I just went through a terrible divorce, and I need some help getting my finances in order.
W: Well sir you came to the right place. We'll get you straightened out. I'll start out with some basic questions, and then I'll explain our financial philosphy. Okay, first question: Do you still own your house?
Customer: No, I lost it in the divorce.
W: Do you have a job?
C: No, my job was outsourced.
W: Phew, that's rough. Okay, do you have a rich Dad who can give you a job?
C: No.
W: Any rich friends with good connections who can give you a job?
C: No.
W: How about a rich brother, uncle anyone?
C: No.
W: Any chance of remarrying rich.
C: I just go out of a divorce and I'm broke. Who is going to want to marry me?
W: We'll you can always pick fights with people, and distract the ladies with your toughness. It works.
C: (Man just looks puzzled)
W: Okay, reviewing. No job, no house, no rich buddies or family. Man sakes alive, you are in a pickle. Do you at least have any investments? Any kids that might get rich someday. I always say, the smartest investment you can make is associating yourself with someone else who is rich.
C: No, but I do have a 401K. I didn't let her have that. I knew I would need that to retire some day.
W: Let's take a looksie here then. Phew, man you got everything in bonds, mutual funds and blue chip stocks. How are you going to ever make money, playing it so safe?
C: What?
W: You need pull that stuff out of there, put it into some oil and energy companies is what you need to do.
C: Are you kidding?
W: Hey, don't question my techniques, trust me they work? (Then winks). All right, do you have any debt?
C: Yeah, I have more than ever with all the legal fees, moving expense and the . . .
W: Good, that debt can work for you. Now what you need to do is get a few credit cards, and buy a lot of stuff. The only way to get through this is to spend.
C: Shouldn't I sacrifice some at a time like this and get my debt down. Everything is so uncertain for me, and . .
W: Now that's just liberal crazy talk. See our financial philosphy, is that the only way to get out of debt is to spend your way out. Say it with me now, "The only way to. . .
C: You're out of your fucking mind.
W: What's a matter boy. Don't you love freedom. if you did you would spend your good hard-earned money.
C: I'm out of here, you're nuts.
W: Hey now, who's asking who for advice. I'm the rich one, remember?
C: See you later, whacko.
George Senior enters the door as the mean leaves.
Senior: How's it going son, any luck.
W: Tough day at the office. I think I'm going to head home.
Senior: Don't let them get you down. Just remember. With a lot of hard work, this business will be yours some day.
| Posted by maddog on April 15, 2004 with category tags of Skit |
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Written by maddog
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