I thought I'd beat Andrew to the punch by posting this utterly ridiculous news story.
Highlights to watch out for: -the name of the town -"Now I feel stupid" -"the apartment he shares with his mother behind Red & Bunny's Diner"...and he only felt stupid after threatening a nice perv with a sword. -"I don't have a telephone" -"'Where is she?' Van Iveren demanded, thrusting the 39-inch sword at the neighbor, according to the complaint. 'Where is she?'"...how heroic!