Fashion Victims

we're backstage peeking into the world of El Fashid Aridi, the Lebanese designer whose line of vehemently anti-Israeli spring casuals were the hit of last season's Paris Expo. Aridi launched his fall line in London tonight with the same flair and disregard for human life that have made him the enfant terrible of high fashion and international terrorism.

Fashion Victims
by Tom Konkle and Joe Dunn

INT. FASHION SHOW RUNWAY - Enthusiastic hosts take the stage. They are dressed in euro chic with a military edge. Music for fashion show up and under. Coloured lights circle flash bulbs pop.

Ramon
Hello and welcome to Fashion File, I’m Ramon Champignon.

Citroen
And I’m Citroen Pamplemousse we’re backstage peeking into the world of El Fashid Aridi, the Lebanese designer whose line of vehemently anti-Israeli spring casuals were the hit of last season’s Paris Expo. Aridi launched his fall line in London tonight with the same flair and disregard for human life that have made him the enfant terrible of high fashion and international terrorism.

Ramon
Bold colors and vibrant patterns were the watchwords in a departure from minimalism. That one unidentified but mortally wounded representative of Interpol could only describe as, “breathtaking.” But while his palette may have broadened, don’t think for a second that his mind has. Aridi continued his long tradition of wildly inflammatory accessorization that has frayed the nerves and tested the limits of government officials the world over.

SFX: Distant screaming and siren wails throughout growing louder.

Citroen
With fashions highest paid photographers and agents of the Mossad tussling for position, Aridi launched a fashion Jihad that left Allah gasping for more. Cuddly cringing Kate Moss was unveiled in a wildly colored Kevlar dickey that reflected Aridi’s continuing fascination with impact resistant fabrics. Kate seemed dazed and unsteady throughout and appears back in top form!

Ramon
But, let’s not forget Naomi Campbell whose rock-hard dismembered torso was jettisoned from backstage as a warning to the SAS to keep its distance. At curtain Aridi could be glimpsed striding defiantly down the runway waving a French visa and slinging rubble at the likes of Anna Nicole Smith, Demi Moore and Elton John.

Citroen
Its was good to see Elton out and about in London again. This festive halter-top, with matching gloves, shoes, and lead-lined purse combines the gay, come-what-may spirit of the sixties with the durable all weather bulk of a Russian-made flak jacket. Backstage, a mortally wounded, Karl Laggerfeld was heard to quip that Aridi had, “covered the infidel from head to toe and sent them strutting towards Mecca.” Aridi took the runway by storm in a fashion Jihad featuring a lethal series of Bob Mackie inspired creations that would leave Allah gasping for more.

Ramon
The embossed lettering stitched pell-mell across this one-of-a-kind calf’s skin belt likens the late David Ben Gurion to the business end of a dyspeptic camel. While this delicately woven demi-veil, suggests a canine connection in the birth of Golda Meir.

Citroen
In short, the show only served to confirm what those in the know have been saying for years that whether on the Left bank.

Ramon
Or the West bank..

Citroen
A short life…

Ramon
And a bright future are in store for the young man with a chip on his shoulder…

Citroen
And a price on his head.

Ramon and Citroen
Ciao!


A bomb clears the stage as models strut their stuff.
copyright 2002 www.lestermcfwap.com

Posted by TomKonkle on August 9, 2002 with category tags of

6 comments

I think that with funny costumes this skit would be hilarious.
   comment by dustin (#1) on August 10, 2002, Rated it 5

This is great! As you say, Dustin, with good costumes & models to break up the commentary, this would be a riot.
   comment by Bryan (#22) on November 9, 2002, Rated it 5

great sketch. best parts....fashion jihad, and the pamplemouse bit---that name especially cracked me up. really quick, witty writing!
   comment by JordanRoth (#46) on November 11, 2002



Glad you liked my sketch!

Regards,
Tom Konkle
   comment by anonymous on March 11, 2003

Is because I'm British I don't get this? Is there some element in this skit (Brits call them sketches) that Americans will wet themselves over but Brits won't even see?

In my book, it's the real fashionista (not the pantomime made up concepts like this) that are the most offensive and damaging.

What is this? Satire? Of what? Fashion (this wouldn't happen)? Terrorism? What's the point? What's the message?

The basic idea of a pro-terrorist/anti-Israeli fashion designer (who murders everyone who attends, by the sound of it) is mildly amusing but it simply makes no sense whatever for him to get more than one show without being arrested. You know? Like life.

Again, there's a just a gaping logical black hole at the heart of it.

But you have to come to the question again, what have you written this sketch for? To attack something? What? Just as a silly idea? Then it needs a rewrite to have more jokes and enhance the logic of the situation.

Just because a sketch is short and soon replaced by another in the audience's vision does not mean there should be no rules of logic or character. Sketch writing is very difficult and, like short films or one liners, requires that some fundamentals are followed.

I would advise you go back to those fundamentals before you write again.

The audience needs to know a few things:
Who are these people?
Why is this sketch funny?
Why has this sketch ended now?
Why has this person said this?
If there is a subtext, what is it?

These cannot be ignored for any sketch. They must be not only known by the writer but also *apparent* to the *audience*.
   comment by anonymous on July 14, 2003, Rated it 1

I liked this skit, it was very funny, but I think that some of the killing/death jokes could of been left out or at least revised to where they weren't offensive to people. Other than that, it was great! Very witty and clever and pretty darn funny too!
   comment by anonymous on December 26, 2003, Rated it 4

   

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