Jesus at an office partyJesus and the gang take a little time off to relax.
[the scene is at an office party.
there are all sorts of people milling around with drinks.
we see two guys standing together, talking.
enter Jesus, carrying a drink]
[as the conversation goes on the three guys are drinking, they get a little tipsy as the skit progresses.]
man2: hey Jesus, you made it!
Jesus: for you Joseph, I would cross the red sea.
man1: oh man, this gin and tonic is pretty weak. can you help me out here Jesus?
Jesus: sure thing Raoul. how bout my favorite drink, a bloody mary?
[Jesus taps raoul's glass]
[the glass turns red]
Joseph: I didn't know you needed magic words to work miracles.
Jesus: oh I don't, that's just for the audience. You know, to add a little pizzazz.
[enter a distinguished looking guy. he's the boss]
Jesus: hi Harvey.
Harvey: hey guys, glad you all made it. Listen Jesus, I know we're not working right now, but I just wanted to remind you that I need those completed BP-89 forms on my desk monday morning.
Jesus: ah, sure thing.
Harvey: all right. you guys have fun now.
[Harvey walks away]
[Jesus is watching Harvey leave, and mutters under his breath]
raoul: so really Jesus, tell us one of your classic stories.
Jesus: oh guys, are there some stories I could tell you. back in the day in Judea we used to just raise hell. literally. You guys ever heard of the whore of Babylon?
Jesus: yeah, well what you don't know is that the whore of Babylon is actually Jane from accounting.
[Jesus motions towards a woman at the other end of the room, she's dressed like a skank]
Jesus: and let me tell you, she really likes to knock back the drinks. I know I'm going to go say hi later. If you know what I mean...
[everyone chortles along with Jesus]
raoul: Yo Jesus, some crazy guy on the bus this morning was yelling about the apocalypse coming next week. What's the deal with that?
Jesus: August 21, 2002 at 8:45 PM
raoul: [he's shocked] what?!?
[Jesus is leisurely drinking from his cocktail
then he looks around, as if he's about to tell a secret]
Jesus: Don't tell the man upstairs that I told you, but it's the truth. The four horsemen of the apocalypse ride next thursday. So get in all your fun while you can.
Jesus: Just make sure that you repent all your sins at 8:30, or you'll be damned for all of eternity.
Joseph: Gee Jesus, I've never repented before. How do I do it?
Jesus: Don't worry guys, I'll send out a memo telling you everything you need to know.
raoul: and all our sins will be forgiven as long as we repent? even if we kill people and stuff?
Jesus: yep, just like it says in the rule book.
Joseph: kick-ass! let's go.
[Joseph and raoul high-five and run off]
Written by dustin