Jesus at an office party

Jesus and the gang take a little time off to relax.

[the scene is at an office party.

there are all sorts of people milling around with drinks.

we see two guys standing together, talking.

enter Jesus, carrying a drink]

[as the conversation goes on the three guys are drinking, they get a little tipsy as the skit progresses.]

hey Jesus, you made it!

for you Joseph, I would cross the red sea.

[everyone chuckles]

oh man, this gin and tonic is pretty weak. can you help me out here Jesus?

sure thing Raoul. how bout my favorite drink, a bloody mary?


[Jesus taps raoul's glass]

Jesus: abra-cadabra.

[the glass turns red]

I didn't know you needed magic words to work miracles.

oh I don't, that's just for the audience. You know, to add a little pizzazz.

[enter a distinguished looking guy. he's the boss]

hi Harvey.

hey guys, glad you all made it. Listen Jesus, I know we're not working right now, but I just wanted to remind you that I need those completed BP-89 forms on my desk monday morning.

ah, sure thing.

all right. you guys have fun now.

[Harvey walks away]

[Jesus is watching Harvey leave, and mutters under his breath]

Jesus: Judas.

so really Jesus, tell us one of your classic stories.

oh guys, are there some stories I could tell you. back in the day in Judea we used to just raise hell. literally. You guys ever heard of the whore of Babylon?

[they nod]

yeah, well what you don't know is that the whore of Babylon is actually Jane from accounting.

[Jesus motions towards a woman at the other end of the room, she's dressed like a skank]

and let me tell you, she really likes to knock back the drinks. I know I'm going to go say hi later. If you know what I mean...

[everyone chortles along with Jesus]

Yo Jesus, some crazy guy on the bus this morning was yelling about the apocalypse coming next week. What's the deal with that?

August 21, 2002 at 8:45 PM

[he's shocked] what?!?

[Jesus is leisurely drinking from his cocktail

then he looks around, as if he's about to tell a secret]

Don't tell the man upstairs that I told you, but it's the truth. The four horsemen of the apocalypse ride next thursday. So get in all your fun while you can.

Just make sure that you repent all your sins at 8:30, or you'll be damned for all of eternity.

Gee Jesus, I've never repented before. How do I do it?

Don't worry guys, I'll send out a memo telling you everything you need to know.

and all our sins will be forgiven as long as we repent? even if we kill people and stuff?

yep, just like it says in the rule book.

kick-ass! let's go.

[Joseph and raoul high-five and run off]

Posted by dustin on August 13, 2002 with category tags of

Good old sacreligious fun.
   comment by anonymous on August 17, 2002, Rated it 4

The situation is amusing but the jokes didn't say "orgasmic" to me.
   comment by Chronomorph (#11) on March 5, 2003, Rated it 2

Whoever wrote this is a genuis!
this skit is hilarious i loved.
do't lose this skill that you have
you could become famous someday!
   comment by anonymous on April 30, 2003, Rated it 5

Dustin. You're above average, but you ain't no
"genius!". My god, people. No wonder there's a
limited supply of solid comedic writing out there.
The audiences are babbling idiots. Turn off the
TV, folks. Real life is far funnier than fiction.

Though, I do love a good JESUS skit.
   comment by funnyguy (#95) on September 16, 2003

it's good, but it could offend some people. some of it is very funny though.
   comment by anonymous on December 26, 2003, Rated it 3


VorgTag CloudArchives

Written by dustin
Photo Showcase
Quote Showcase
Computer Games
Friends of Vorg
Popular Posts

Hey You! Subscribe to dustin's RSS feed.
Or get wider opinion in the Vorg All Author feed.


Members login here.
© Vorg Group.