Jesus at an office party

Jesus and the gang take a little time off to relax.

[the scene is at an office party.

there are all sorts of people milling around with drinks.

we see two guys standing together, talking.

enter Jesus, carrying a drink]




[as the conversation goes on the three guys are drinking, they get a little tipsy as the skit progresses.]



man2:
hey Jesus, you made it!



Jesus:
for you Joseph, I would cross the red sea.



[everyone chuckles]



man1:
oh man, this gin and tonic is pretty weak. can you help me out here Jesus?



Jesus:
sure thing Raoul. how bout my favorite drink, a bloody mary?



raoul:
cool.



[Jesus taps raoul's glass]

Jesus: abra-cadabra.

[the glass turns red]



Joseph:
I didn't know you needed magic words to work miracles.



Jesus:
oh I don't, that's just for the audience. You know, to add a little pizzazz.



[enter a distinguished looking guy. he's the boss]



Jesus:
hi Harvey.



Harvey:
hey guys, glad you all made it. Listen Jesus, I know we're not working right now, but I just wanted to remind you that I need those completed BP-89 forms on my desk monday morning.



Jesus:
ah, sure thing.



Harvey:
all right. you guys have fun now.



[Harvey walks away]



[Jesus is watching Harvey leave, and mutters under his breath]

Jesus: Judas.



raoul:
so really Jesus, tell us one of your classic stories.



Jesus:
oh guys, are there some stories I could tell you. back in the day in Judea we used to just raise hell. literally. You guys ever heard of the whore of Babylon?



[they nod]



Jesus:
yeah, well what you don't know is that the whore of Babylon is actually Jane from accounting.



[Jesus motions towards a woman at the other end of the room, she's dressed like a skank]



Jesus:
and let me tell you, she really likes to knock back the drinks. I know I'm going to go say hi later. If you know what I mean...



[everyone chortles along with Jesus]



raoul:
Yo Jesus, some crazy guy on the bus this morning was yelling about the apocalypse coming next week. What's the deal with that?



Jesus:
August 21, 2002 at 8:45 PM



raoul:
[he's shocked] what?!?



[Jesus is leisurely drinking from his cocktail

then he looks around, as if he's about to tell a secret]




Jesus:
Don't tell the man upstairs that I told you, but it's the truth. The four horsemen of the apocalypse ride next thursday. So get in all your fun while you can.



Jesus:
Just make sure that you repent all your sins at 8:30, or you'll be damned for all of eternity.



Joseph:
Gee Jesus, I've never repented before. How do I do it?



Jesus:
Don't worry guys, I'll send out a memo telling you everything you need to know.



raoul:
and all our sins will be forgiven as long as we repent? even if we kill people and stuff?



Jesus:
yep, just like it says in the rule book.



Joseph:
kick-ass! let's go.



[Joseph and raoul high-five and run off]

Posted by dustin on August 13, 2002 with category tags of

5 comments
Good old sacreligious fun.
   comment by anonymous on August 17, 2002, Rated it 4

The situation is amusing but the jokes didn't say "orgasmic" to me.
   comment by Chronomorph (#11) on March 5, 2003, Rated it 2

Whoever wrote this is a genuis!
this skit is hilarious i loved.
do't lose this skill that you have
you could become famous someday!
   comment by anonymous on April 30, 2003, Rated it 5

Dustin. You're above average, but you ain't no
"genius!". My god, people. No wonder there's a
limited supply of solid comedic writing out there.
The audiences are babbling idiots. Turn off the
TV, folks. Real life is far funnier than fiction.

Though, I do love a good JESUS skit.
   comment by funnyguy (#95) on September 16, 2003

it's good, but it could offend some people. some of it is very funny though.
   comment by anonymous on December 26, 2003, Rated it 3

   

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