Fun with French

Is it possible to base an entire skit on the hard to pronounce name of a french painter? You tell me.

[the scene is an auction]

auctioneer:
SOLD to the monster in the red coat.

monster:
aargg-urg-hauf

auctioneer:
Sorry, the gentleman in the red coat.

auctioneer:
And for our next fabulous item we are pleased to present this fabulous painting by the French impressionist Edgar Degas.

[The auctioneer mispronounces degas, and little laughs can be heard from the crowd. Throughout the scene he mispronounces Degas every time he says it]

This masterpiece truly captures the spirit and flair of the times. It is one of the cornerstones of Degas' legacy, showcasing his subtle blend of color, tone, style, composition, timber and form. It truly epitomizes Degas' profound vision. It is entitled 'Two naked ballerinas totally getting it on in blue' and would make a superb addition to anyone's collection. It is a rare occurrence indeed when we are lucky enough to be able to present such a fine piece by one of history's preeminent artists; Edgar Degas.

[every time he mispronounces Degas the laughter from the crowd grows louder...]

auctioneer:
Let's start the bidding at 5000 dollars?

crowd member: 5000.

auctioneer:
what about 7000 dollars for the beautiful Degas.
[crowd laughs]

crowd member: 7,000

auctioneer:
can I get 10,000. It's not every day that you see such a beautiful example of Degas' work.
[crowd laughs]

someone from back of crowd: it's pronounced Degas stupid-head.
other crowd member: yeah, you ass-biter, it's French.

auctioneer:
Who wants to take home this excellent Degas for 10,000 dollars.

crowd member: Who's Degas [he pronounces it like the auctioneer]
[the crowd laughs]

crowd member: learn how to talk numb-skull

auctioneer:
um, would you people at the back please quiet down. I'm trying to sell this lovely Degas.

[the whole crowd breaks down into hysterics]

auctioneer:
Alright, that's it. I was trying to sell this painting, but fine.
[he crosses his arms and keeps completely silent]

[eventually the laughter dies off]

[the room is completely silent for a while]

crowd member: I'll pay 10,000.

[the auctioneer stays silent. he's giving them the silent treatment]

crowd member: 12,000

[auctioneer is silent]

crowd member: um, did your big count?

[everyone looks to the auctioneer, but he looks away]

crowd member: Look mister, we're really sorry, can we just go on?

auctioneer:
OK, we'll continue, the man in green has bid 12,000, do I hear 15,000?

crowd member: 15,000

auctioneer:
we've got 15,000. can I get 20,000 for this magnificent Degas [mispronounces]

[the crowd again breaks out into laughter.]

[the auctioneer turns beet red, and goes silent]

crowd member: I'll give 20,000

[auctioneer is silent, he looks really mad]

crowd member: 25,000

crowd member: oh come on man, we're just joking.

[auctioneer glares at him]

crowd member: listen to our bids, we'll be good.

crowd member: I bid 30,000.

crowd member: 35!

crowd member: 40

crowd member: 50

crowd member: 100,000

crowd member: a million dollars

crowd member: a billion dollars

crowd member: a gazzillion!

crowd member: a nova-gazzillion!!

auctioneer:
SOLD for a nova-gazillion to the man in the Levis [he mispronounces levis] jacket.

Posted by McImprov on September 19, 2002 with category tags of

2 comments
Fun and short.
   comment by Chronomorph (#11) on September 11, 2002, Rated it 4

I liked it! I especially liked the monster and the promises by the audience to be good.
   comment by anonymous on October 22, 2002, Rated it 4

   

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