Let my people go

In the year 2003 the great Jehovah saw that once again the Israelites were not safe. Seeing that they were dying to protect the 'chosen' land. God decided to choose another land, where the chosen people could finally be safe. It just happened that Moses was again given the job of leading them...

Narrator: In the year 2003 the great Jehovah saw that once again the Israelites were not safe. Seeing that they were dying to protect the 'chosen' land. God decided to choose another land, where the chosen people could finally be safe. It just happened that Moses was again given the job of leading them...

[the scene goes to Moses talking to a bunch of people]

Moses:
Greetings everyone. It's good to be back. I've got a good feeling about this new chosen land. God totally scoped it out, it's perfect.

Crowd:
Yay!

Moses:
Unfortunately, it's a bit of a trip. We must travel across the desert, over the Caucasus mountains, ford the Bering straight, and over the rocky mountains to reach our destination.

Man in crowd: Um, Moses, where exactly is the new chosen land?

Moses:
Our final destination is the kingdom of Baltimore, new homeland of the Jews. It is a long journey. I estimate it should take approximately forty years, but it will be worth it to finally reach the new land of milk and honey.

Lady:
Couldn't we just fly there?

Man:
My son is a manager with Delta Air Lines, he could get us a discount. Especially with such a big group.

[the crowd murmurs agreement amongst themselves]

Moses:
Ah ... well ... actually I think that God wanted us to all walk there together. I seem to remember him saying...

[a man interrupts him]
Man: I've got to buy a house in Baltimore before the prices skyrocket.
[he runs off, and lots of people follow him]

Moses:
Wait people! Do not fear the long journey. It hast been blessed by the lord Himself.

[it isn't working, the crowd keeps thinning as more and more people leave]

Moses:
If you come with me you'll get to watch me part the Bering Straight...

[by now everyone has left except for Moses]

[Moses dejectedly sits down]

Moses:
Damn Jews.

Posted by dustin on September 19, 2002 with category tags of

2 comments
Holy Moses, this is a good skit.
   comment by Bryan (#22) on September 25, 2002, Rated it 4

Love the concept, the lead up, and the final line. Not so sure about the "got to go buy a house" thing... any better ideas for closure? Also - akin to 'parting the Bering straight', Moses could offer to have cheese-steaks rain down from the heavens, n stuff?
   comment by Sean (#34) on September 25, 2002, Rated it 4

   

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