Radio Radio

ANNOUNCER: You're listening to 92.2 FM: The Starr.

JERRY: (Deep DJ Voice) Good morning, Tampa. It's 5:25 AM and you're listening to "Jerry and the Wildcat."

WILDCAT: (Gritty DJ Voice) Good morning.

JERRY: Later this morning we're going to play "Stop the Rockin' Clock to Win" where we'll be giving away backstage passes for four to Deep Blue Something's December 12th show. Then we'll have a visit from Kimberly Beck, from TV's newest reality show "The Rules Clearly State One of You Has to Marry Me."

WILDCAT: She's great.

JERRY: Yes she is. But first, Wildcat, you had an interesting weekend, didn't you?

WILDCAT: Well, I don't know if I'd say (chuckles) interesting...

JERRY: You had a weekend...

WILDCAT: I had a weekend. I was driving to the record store on Farmer Ave...

JERRY: ..."From Vinyl to Disc"...

WILDCAT: Right. And I was listening to the radio...flippin' through the dial, when I got to a different station...

JERRY: Don't say the name on the air.

WILDCAT: I wasn't going to.

JERRY: Alright.

WILDCAT: (deep sigh) I got to a different station, I won't say the name, but I will say it was owned by "Queer Channel."

JERRY: NPR?

WILDCAT: (upset; as if it should end with "you idiot!") No... I was talking about "Clear Channel:" the radio conglomerate that forces the same Top 40 crap down its listeners throats in all 80 billion of the radio stations it owns...

JERRY: Is that the one that refused to buy us out?

WILDCAT: Well, I'm not so sure that...

JERRY: I thought they said our equipment was so outdated that they'd never recoup...

WILDCAT: (Changing the subject through gritted teeth) Hey, it's time to do a station ID.

JERRY: Oh, okay. It's thirty-two past the hour and you're listening to 92.2, The Starr. Aaaannd... (he holds his "and" for a long time. He's looking for something in the room.) ...I will nowwwwwwww....play this...thing...that I am...here we go... Aaaaannnnd...

TAPE: (Cheery peppy 50's style singers) The date is...Monday!

WILDCAT: That's right, Tampa, its Monday morning, and today we're gonna...

TAPE: The date is...Tuesday!

WILDCAT: (quietly) Jerry, shut that off! Haha! It's Monday morning...

TAPE: The date is... Wednesday! (long pause) The date is...Thursday!

(We can hear a struggle between the two. Jerry makes it clear that it's not his fault.)

WILDCAT: (less enthusiastic) Haha! Sorry listeners, we're having some technical difficulties...

TAPE: The date is...Friday!

WILDCAT: (continuing) ... in here today. But of course, our station manager, Greg doesn't have anything to say about that does he? Greg?

GREG: (his voice is coming from some sort of booth, he's patching himself in.) Haha! Uh....what can I tell you guys? Heh, heh. We've just got some older equipment around here...

TAPE: The date is...Saturday!

JERRY: Well, that should be the last one; I think the cartridge is up.

WILDCAT: So you're saying the week starts with Sunday, Jerry.

JERRY: (chuckling) Oohhhh, no, Wildcat. We're not...we're not going through this again.

WILDCAT: (trying to have fun) Now, I told you, I say the week should start with Monday. I mean everybody's back at work... the kids are back at school... I mean, fun's over! Time for...

TAPE: The date is...Sunday!

(uncomfortable silence)

JERRY: (trying to salvage) I, uh, I think the tape agrees with you, Wildcat.

(pause)

WILDCAT: I guess you're right. Um...okay.

TAPE: The date is...Monday!

WILDCAT: Alright. Fine. Let's, uh, let's take a quick break. We'll get together, get our stuff set, and we'll be back in a few. Let's go to Chuck with the weather. Chuck?

CHUCK: Good morning, Jerry!

JERRY: Mornin'!

CHUCK: Wildcat... Good "m" to "y!" Haha!

WILDCAT: (flatly) Good morning. How's the weather?

CHUCK: Well, we can expect some more sun this afternoon, highs in the upper 80s, some clouds towards the evening, and we're expecting to some showers this evening so be sure to bring the dog inside tonight! Wildcat!

WILDCAT: (wasn't listening) Mmm?

CHUCK: You bring...Bring Towser inside tonight!

WILDCAT: (uninterested) Mmm...

CHUCK: Okay! Today's weather was brought to you by...(shuffling papers)...Bridgeworth Electronics. Bridgeworth Electronics: for when your pet needs the very best in health care, go to PetCity. On the corner of...

JERRY: Chuck?

WILDCAT: Chuck, I think you got your sponsor sheets messed up.

CHUCK: What's that? Oh, you're right. You guys are quick. Picked right up on my mistake. Picked right up and jumped right on me. Nice job. (more paper shuffling) Okay. Bridgeworth Electronics, is our sponsor. Bridgeworth Electronics means quality. Test drive one today at your local dealer.

WILDCAT: No, Chuck. No. You want sheet 3. Sheet. Three.

CHUCK: Right, right. Sorry... That's why you're the hosts and I'm the unpaid intern... (clears throat) That's Bridgeworth Electronics. (pause) Double B. Honk! Honk! M, C, O.

WILDCAT: That's it! I quit! Goodbye! Have fun! See you all later! (his voice gets quieter as he leaves the booth)

(The door slams. There is yet another silence.)

JERRY: Um. It's...5:41 AM and you're listening to "The Awesome Jerry Show." I'm Awesome Jerry and, oh hang on...what's that Greg? Oh, okay. Welcome to "The Awesome Jerry Show," a division of "Clear Channel."

Posted by Ramso on September 15, 2003 with category tags of Skit

16 comments

Convuluted. Three talking heads. Unfortunately, radio DJs are funnier than this . . . and radio DJs aren't. I might give it poor or better if it was leaner and not so boring. Hopefully, you got a laugh from your "inside joke" circle. Keep on writing!!!    → comment by funnyguy (#95) on September 15, 2003, Rated it 1 I see no script here...    → comment by dustin (#1) on September 16, 2003 ...this sketch has been deleted. Sorry.    → comment by Ramso (#64) on September 16, 2003 I want to read about three talking heads... that sounds cool.    → comment by chrisdye (#15) on September 16, 2003 Don't delete what you've submitted. That's cheating, my boy. Own it! When writer's come into my office, I tell them two things: Don't waste my time. and Check your ego at the reception desk. Take criticism with a grain of cosmic salt. We're all one, baby. We're all pushing forward, trying to make it happen. Eat my words for breakfast. And have a fabulous, fruitful day writing.    → comment by funnyguy (#95) on September 16, 2003 Then write it!    → comment by funnyguy (#95) on September 16, 2003 It wasn't a show stopper but it had some decent bits. A bit of judicious editing could have made it pretty good. Bring back the skit! Morning Radio DJs need their comeuppance!    → comment by vinny9 (#33) on September 16, 2003 Remind me, vinny9, to hire you for my next boardroom pep rally.    → comment by funnyguy (#95) on September 16, 2003 Okay, I've put it back. I should say that it wasn't deleted (directly) because of the critisism. I've shown it to a few people and I'm realizing it's generally not that good. I have no problem with hearing it's no good, but if I can see that's it's not up to a level I think I can write at, I'd prefer to take it out of the public eye. Sorry to upset everyone by taking it down.    → comment by Ramso (#64) on September 16, 2003 Clearly, you're not happy with the quality and neither am I. I thought this was going to be a great parody of Radio DJs and it was, right up until the Queer Channel comment (homophobia, not exactly cutting edge). But it wasn't the Queer comment that threw me but instead it was the bickering. I would rather have the two DJs devolve into even more and more inane conversation instead of conflict. I think the real potential is in the "it's funny coz it's true" nature of radio morning shows. The bumbling nature of the show is only mildly funny and the not-so-hidden anger between the characters doesn't help. The scene is at its best when the characters are being stereotypical DJs. Perhaps a better apporach might be to have a caller mess with the DJs and then having the DJs trying to cover for the live caller who is ruining their light, fun show. Just a suggestion. In any case, write something up, take a breath, leave it and come back to it if you don't think it's a winner out of the box (and most ideas rarely are). The extra time is almost always worth it.    → comment by vinny9 (#33) on September 16, 2003, Rated it 2 Thank you. And here's a couple more things about this horrible sketch: I hate that "Queer Channel" line. I really do. But I could not do anything else with "Clear Channel" that sounded like it came out of a DJ's mouth. This sketch was written around that "tape repeating" gag. That's really the only part of this thing I really like.    → comment by Ramso (#64) on September 16, 2003 Did you just call me "Concordia"?    → comment by chrisdye (#15) on September 16, 2003 After surveying the majority of recent submissions, I'm led to believe this is a Montreal, Quebec based clique of writers. Given the subtext of, "In The Library", I'm taking a wild grab in the dark that we can find your mug shot in the local newspaper amongst a mob of irate protestors outside one of Concordia's student halls during the 'celebration' of overlapping, multicultural holy days. Knowing my intuition, you're probably really from the rival university and have just taken insult to my flippant labeling. Either way, make me laugh!    → comment by funnyguy (#95) on September 16, 2003 It's just that some people call me, like, you know, by my name, rather than by the name of universities in the same city as me. But feel free. Other universities in town include UQAM, McGill, Universite de Montreal, and if you ask the local transit corporation, Universite de Sherbrooke. I'm not really one for the student protest. However, I once did have my picture in the paper for being kicked by a local right-wing conspiracy theorist, who told the newspaper that I was part of a conspiracy to make him kick me. Everyone had a good laugh at my expense. Now you can too!    → comment by chrisdye (#15) on September 19, 2003 You're a good sport. By the way, speaking of sports (I think?), visited your site. It was like reading something that was purely written to hide code within. I felt like an imbecile, you know, reading lines three-four times and still scratching my head. Please, do explain.    → comment by funnyguy (#95) on September 19, 2003 Your skit would make excellent material for DJs within out radio network to use in their morning shows. Keep up the good work!! Marion Frazzledaz Queer Channel Communications marionf@queerchannel.com www.queerchannel.com    → comment by Queer Channel on April 22, 2004, Rated it 5

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