A game show, a serial killer, and Thelma
EDIT: Changed a few things. Still no ending, though...INT. GAME SHOW
A game show is in progress, there are three contestants, all
behind podiums. The Host walks into frame.
HOST
Welcome to "Behind that Door," the show where
our contestants answer questions, and then
find what what's...
AUDIENCE
BEHIND THAT DOOR!
HOST
Now, let's meet our contestants. Contestant
number one, tell us about yourself.
SAM
(in extremely dull manner)
Well, my name is Sam Flounder, and I'm an
accountant. My-
HOST
BORING! Contestant number two?
JAMES
My name's James Cutter, I'm, er, a newspaper
salesman. Yeah.
HOST
Contestant number three?
FRIEDA
(starry eyed)
My names Frieda. I like birdies.
HOST
I see. Well, now that we've met our conte-
CUT TO:
INT. NEWS ROOM
A newsman is sitting at his desk, with a picture of a fish to in
the news-picture-box-thing.
NEWSMAN
(reading from piece of paper)
We interrupt this program with some startling
news.
(he switches to a new piece of paper)
"Dear Harold, I've left you for the plumber."
(he realizes what he's reading)
My... my god... It... It can't be...
He starts crying as some of the filming crew comes to comfort
him.
CUT TO:
INT. NEWS ROOM- OTHER DESK
A different newsman is sitting at his desk, with a picture of
George W. Bush with a finger up his nose in the news-picture-box-
thing. The picture switches to the fish from before.
NEWSMAN 2
I'm sorry about that.
The notorious Fish Bandit
(the picture is replace by one of the
Fish Bandit)
has escaped from prison. He escaped when a
guard mistakenly served him mackerel instead
of his usual moldy bread. The guard is
survived by a wife and two daughters.
(he switches to a new piece of paper)
The Fish Bandit should be considered armed
and dangerous, as he apparently stopped by a
pet shop and seized two large guppies. We now
return you to your regularly scheduled
program.
CUT TO:
INT. GAME SHOW
HOST
And that buzzer means that the Q&A portion of
the show has ended! So lets move on to
discovering what's-
AUDIENCE
BEHIND THAT DOOR!
HOST
Hey! I was gonna say that! Anyway, the winner
of our Q&A portion was Frieda, so she will be
the one to discover what's-
AUDIENCE
BEHIND THAT DOOR!
HOST
Dammit... Stupid rassem frassem...
(clears his throat)
As I was saying before was so RUDELY
interrupted, she will be the one to look-
AUDIENCE
BEHIND THAT DOOR!
HOST
(his eye starts twitching)
What... did you... say?
AUDIENCE
(unsure)
BEHIND THAT DOOR?!
HOST
Yeah, well DON'T SAY IT AGAIN! Just because
this show is named-
AUDIENCE
BEHIND THAT DOOR!
HOST
HEY! YOU CAN ALL SHUT THE FUCK UP, HUH? I'M
THE HOST, NOT YOU MORONS! IF I TELL YOU TO
SHUT THE FUCK UP, THEN YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP!
(he takes some deep breathes)
Frieda, why don't you come on up here.
We see the Fish Bandit behind Frieda's podium covered in blood,
holding a goldfish. Frieda's legs stick out from behind the
podium.
FISH BANDIT
Uh... Okay.
He approaches the host.
HOST
Well, Frieda, you've won our question and
answer section. Now it's time to pick your
prize! However, you must first pick a door
for my lovely assistant Thelma
(enter Thelma)
to open. Whatever is-
MAN IN AUDIENCE
BEHIND THAT-
(he is shot)
UGH!
We see the host holding a smoking pistol.
HOST
-behind that door is your prize. So, which
door will it be?
FISH BANDIT
(nervously)
Uh... I plead the fifth!
HOST
The fifth door? Alright! Thelma, show lovely
Frieda what she's won!
Thelma opens a door with a big "5" on it. A body falls out with a
swordfish sticking in it's chest. The Fish Bandit grins
nervously.
| Posted by TANK on October 2, 2003 with category tags of Skit |
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Written by TANK
| freewebs.com/undergeek |
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| I, for one, welcome our new transdimensional alien overlords.[quote database] |
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