Because politics has gotten a little boring

Think all the parties are the same?

So do we.

But the Hot Chick is different...


[Black screen with titles in the style of sensationalist American political commercials. Gravelly voice-over accompanies each title.]

VO:
In 2004, Governor Anthony P. Pusateri voted *against* lowering the taxes for poor Arkansas farmers.

VO:
He voted *against* preventing puppy murders in city-centres.

VO:
He voted *against* ice-cream.

VO:
And he voted *against* the constitutional amendment to allow younger presidents.

VO:
But now Pusateri's gone, and it's your chance to make a change. To vote for what you believe in.

[Cut to THE HOT CHICK, standing in front of the desk in a snazzy-looking lawyer's office. She is wearing very short shorts and a tight t-shirt with the words "HONEST BABE" on it.]

THE HOT CHICK: Hi. I'm The Hot Chick, Presidental Candidate for 2005.

[THC looks out into space for a moment.]

THE HOT CHICK: I like horses.

[Cut to shot of THC running in slow motion down the beach.]

VO:
Unlike Anthony P. Pusateri, The Hot Chick has worked to *increase* the country's blood-alcohol content. Unlike Anthony P. Pusateri, she does *not* have split ends.

[Cut to THC in office.]

THE HOT CHICK: I am also quite buoyant!

[Cut to THC pulling herself (dripping) from a swimming pool.]

VO:
If elected, The Hot Chick promises to hold a televised press-conference where she will take off her shirt and show you her beautiful breasts.

[Cut to office, where THC is nodding, smiling. She glances at her chest.]

THE HOT CHICK: A vote for me is a vote to see my beautiful breasts.

[THC blows a kiss.]

[Cut to THC doing jumping-jacks.]

VO:
September 14th, vote for The Hot Chick. Finally, a president with beautiful, beautiful breasts.

[Cut to office.]

[THC pulls up the bottom of her t-shirt, seductively. She then stops, mock-reconsidering.]

THE HOT CHICK: Oop! Not till after the election!

[Cut to black. Rushed title and voiceover.]

THC:
Paid for by Concerned Citizens for the Election of The Hot Chick (CCETHC) and Larry Flynt.


------------------

[Cut to conference room with several older men around a table, including Governor Anthony P. Pusateri. Bad smear campaign posters againts hot chick are on the wall in the background.]

[ARNOLD turns off the TV, where they have just seen THC's ad.]

ANTHONY:
Well. That's a doozy.

Awkward slience ensues, board members mumble amongst themselves, wondering how to deal with the blow.

ARNOLD:
Well . . . (Short Silence)

WALTER:
We're letting them shape the issues in this campaign, we're falling out of step.

ARNOLD:
Our response needs to be brutal and unrelenting.

ANTHONY:
Unrelenting, absolutely.

WALTER:
How can we counter this. She's got a nice rack . . .

ARNOLD (interjecting): So does your wife!

WALTER:
Yes! We can use that.

ARTHUR:
Gold, pure gold.

ANTHONY:
Good observation Arnold, Wanda's breasts are magnificant. But, what exactly are you proposing?

WALTER (thinking hard): Yes. Yes. I see it. A vote for Anthony Puseteri-

ANTHONY (interrupting): *Governor* Anthony Puseteri.

WALTER:
Right, a vote for Governor Anthony Puseteri is a vote for his wife's great-

ARNOLD:
Fantastic-

ARTHUR:
Mammarific-

ANTHONY (grandiosely): Magnificent.

WALTER:
- Magnificent breasts. (beat)

ARNOLD:
Is "breasts" the right word. Could we perhaps agree upon a word which better captures the essence of this platform issue.

ARTHUR:
Well titties is out of the question.

[ANTHONY nods in agreement.]

WALTER:
No, we won't stoop to the level of titties in this campaign. Tits, perhaps, but not titties.

ARNOLD:
We don't want to alienate the upper mid-west.

ANTHONY:
Does anyone have any polling data on that?

WALTER:
[shuffles through papers] Uhmmmm, right here. Charleston, Galveston, Merrimac are all tit counties.

ANTHONY:
Well, it's settled then.

ARTHUR:
... What about hooters?

ANTHONY:
Hooters is good too.

ARTHUR:
Hooters ARE good too.

WALTER:
Could we maybe get your wife in here?

ANTHONY:
I'll give her a buzz. [Hits the intercom] Wanda, could you come in here? We're... out of... prunecakes.

[Pause for a few seconds. Wanda enters carrying prunecake tray. She is 65.]

WANDA:
Here you are boys.

WALTER:
Thank-you, Mrs. Puseteri.

ANTHONY:
Thank-you, ma'am.

[Wanda leaves]

ALL OF THEM TOGETHER: Funbags.

WALTER:
Definitely funbags.

ANTHONY:
Magnificent funbags.

[Cut to rural hicks sitting in barn watching television. Hear trail end of voiceover]

VOICEOVER:
A vote for Governor Puseteri is a vote for his wife's magnificent funbags. Paid for by the committee to relect Puseteri.

HICK 1:
That ain't right.

HICK 2:
No sir.

HICK 3:
Them ain't funbags. Not where I come from.

HICK 2:
No sir.

HICK3:
Them's titties.

HICK 2:
Yup.

[Pause]

HICK 2:
Fricken Democrats.

FIN.

Posted by McImprov on November 8, 2002 with category tags of

3 comments
i really enjoyed this sketch. i definitely enjoyed most the employment of the word "funbag"....golden
   comment by JordanRoth (#46) on November 9, 2002, Rated it 4

Has good potential. Would be even funnier if you cut right after "ANTHONY: Unrelenting, absolutely." until the Voiceover for the new ad comes on.
   comment by vinny9 (#33) on November 13, 2002, Rated it 4

Very funny.. polling data is crucial. My favourite along with Dracula of the McImprov sketches so far.
   comment by Bryan (#22) on November 23, 2002, Rated it 4

   

VorgTag CloudArchives

Written by McImprov
Photo Showcase
Quote Showcase
Computer Games
Friends of Vorg
Popular Posts

Hey You! Subscribe to McImprov's RSS feed.
Or get wider opinion in the Vorg All Author feed.

 
 

Members login here.
© Vorg Group.