Gary and Imhotep
K. & C.[Scene 1: Gary is sitting at a table in a small apartment. The walls are decorated with hyrogliphs and there
is a picture Cleopatra hanging from one of the walls. The fridge
looks somewhat like an Egyptian sarcophagus. Enter Imhotep, dressed
in ancient Egyptian costume, from the apartment door.]
Imhotep: Greetings and salutations, Gary.
Gary: G and S, Imhotep.
Imhotep: How's it going?
Gary: Oh great! I met this guy Nimri, and he told me about this great business opportunity. He calls it the "After the End of Time Share".
Imhotep: What's that?
Gary: Here, let me explain. We're...Everybody gets some blocks...Well, Nimri gets some blocks, Nimri gets two blocks, and he drags the two blocks, and I drag two blocks, and one of the blocks is my block, and then I get two people to get two blocks, and one of their blocks is Nimri's block, and one of theirs is my block, and I drag the two blocks, and then everyone gets a tomb for the afterlife.
Imhotep: But how does everyoneget one...
Gary: Six, actually, everyone gets six tombs.
Imhotep: How can that possibly work?
Gary: No, it works! I swear it works! Nimri showed me.
Imhotep: This sounds like a pyramid scheme.
Gary: No! It isn't, well, yes, we're building pyramids, but it's not a pyramid scheme! Where did you get that idea? It's a pyramid plan. I mean, "scheme", where'd you even come up with that? It's such a hurtful word.
Imhotep: Well, why do I even want a pyramid in the first place?
Gary: Well, where are you going to live when you die?
Imhotep: Uhh... the ground?
Gary: No! You need a place to live- haven't you even thought about that? Your wife would be very upset to hear that you haven't prepared.
Imhotep: Well, what do I have to do?
Gary: All you have to do is sign here with an ankh, and then you become a member and you're entitled to like six pyramids.
Imhotep: Like six pyramids?
Gary: Yes, exactly like six pyramids.
Imhotep: But why pyramids? Can't we build something cheaper and less symetrical?
Gary: Huh? No! You need a pyramid. We need to make it onto the list of the top seven wonders of the world. I mean what do we have now? Crappy number nine, the giant igloo.
Imhotep: What igloo?
Gary: Exactly.
Imhotep: Yeah, I guess you're right, our building projects are pretty lame. Remember when the Jews convinced us to build that giant machine for freeing the Jews?
Gary: Yeah, when it comes to a place to store your rotting carcass, you need the best!
Imhotep: O.K., sign me up!
Gary: All right! Just sign on this papyrus scroll, and within ten days you'll receive your granite pick. Then all you have to do is carve two stones, and then sign up two more people to carve two stones...
[Scene 2: An archaeologist is surrounded by students, standing near the pinnacle of the pyramid.]
Archaeologist: And in this way, the great Pyramids of the Egyptian Old Kingdom were built. Unfortunately, this giant pyramid scheme caused the economic collapse of the entire civilization of ancient Egypt. And so you see, carved on the capstone of the greatest of the Pyramids of Giza, the final hyrogliph reads: "Gary you bastard."
| Posted by McImprov on January 26, 2003 with category tags of Skit |
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Written by McImprov
| The McGill Improv Troupe! geocities.com/mcimprov |
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| To be is to be the value of a variable. --Quine[quote database] |
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