The Chicken that knew the future.
In a battery farm somewhere near London a man is about to learn something about chickens and morals - and on the way he just might find himself (but probably won't).A CHICKEN BATTERY FARM. ALONG ONE WALL IS HUNDREDS OF CHICKENS WHO ARE BOCKING AWAY. IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROOM IS A BATTERED TABLE COVERED IN STRAW AND EGGS. BEHIND THE TABLE IS SUE AND MIKE WHO ARE IN A LOVERS EMBRACE. THERE IS A BATTERED DOOR ON THE RIGHT.
SUE: Oh Mike, why don’t you take me away from this chicken feed existence.
MIKE: Sue, you know that I am married to my science. And if you truly loved me you would know that. (PICKS UP EGG FROM TABLE AND HOLDS IT UP, IT IS PART FILLED WITH A GREEN BUBBLING SUBSTANCE AND SMOKE POURS OUT THE TOP) I am on the verge of my greatest discovery in chickens.
SUE: But no-one ever found anything in chickens.
MIKE: My grandfather found his lucky stomach in a chicken. That’s what made me be a chicken farmer, even when I was a child I found chickens incredibly, uh... erotic.
SUE: But don’t you understand. This obsession with chickens, it’s destroying you, I mean destroying us.
MIKE: That is, my dear, is what happens to us geniuses. In the end we are destroyed by that which drives us. Yes, all geniuses are consumed by their own chicken!
ENTER DAVE THROUGH DOOR ON RIGHT. HE IS WEARING A BLACK CLOAK, A MOUSTACHE AND SILLY LITTLE GLASSES. HE HAS A CHICKEN UNDER HIS ARM.
SUE: Oh my god, Mike it is your arch-enemy. Like Batman had his Joker, and Sherlock Holmes had his Moriarty, every Mike has his... (DRAMATIC MUSIC) Dave!
DAVE: (LAUGHS EVILLY) Yes Mike. It is I Dave. And I have been having an interesting conversation with this chicken. He tells me, Mike, that you must change your name from Mike to Cassandra!
MIKE: Ha, you don’t fool me Dave. Chickens can’t talk.
CHICKEN: Boc-boc-boc-bocah-boc.
DAVE: What’s that chicken. If Mike does not change his name to Cassandra he will be damned to Hades for all eternity, or at least until Tuesday!
MIKE: (PULLS FACE LIKE A TANGERINE INVERTED) You don’t fool me, Dave. Be gone from my sight.
DAVE: Curse you, Mike. You may think that you have defeated me this time, but I will return and destroy you. (MANIC LAUGH, EXITS)
MIKE: It is a good job I am an expert on chickens and know that they cannot talk otherwise Dave could have fooled me there.
SUE: He had me convinced.
MIKE: Yes. Well he just had me (IT IS IMPORTANT ACTOR SAYS NEXT WORD RIGHT OR TERRIFIC GAG IS LOST) eggs-aspirated.
SUE: Oh you (SAME DIRECTION AS IN MIKE’S SPEECH)yolk-er, Mike.
SUE AND MIKE BOTH LAUGH. FADE TO BLACK.
CAPTION: “THE FOLLOWING TUESDAY”.
FADE UP FROM BLACK. BACK IN SAME CHICKEN FARM BUT THIS TIME SUE STANDS ALONE LOOKING FORLORN.
SUE: Oh where oh where is Mike. Oh, where can he be. (BEGINS TO CRY)
THE DOOR BURSTS OPEN AND MIKE COLLAPSES ONTO THE TABLE LOOKING DISHEVELLED.
MIKE: Oh, the horror, the horror.
SUE: Where have you been?
MIKE: Oh damned. Damned to Hades until today.
SUE: Like what that chicken...
MIKE: Yes, like the chicken said.
SUE: Oh, Mike.
MIKE: No, don’t call me Mike. Please call me Cassandra.
SUE: Cassandra!
MIKE: Yes Sue, for there is wisdom in them there chickens!
CLOSE UP ON BATTERY CHICKENS ON BACK WALL. FADE IN CREEPY MUSIC. FADE TO BLACK
CAPTION: “THE END?”
MUSIC FADES OUT.
| Posted by nimrodshair on March 31, 2004 with category tags of Skit |
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Written by nimrodshair
| Nimrod's Hair I have recently had a sex change so now I am the woman I always wanted to feel. |
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| The truth shall set you free? Not if you did it. - Rick Mercer[quote database] |
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