SKH8
REWRITE!!!!!|
[Opening credits roll, saying simply, “Documentary!” The theme song is Handel’s Messiah, with the word “Documentary” replacing all the repetition of “Hallelujah”. Cut to HOST in a chair, looking at the wrong camera, with the word “Documentary” hanging behind the HOST. It hangs against a black background.]
HOST: Avril Lavigne. Her Napanee-nasal notes have propelled her post-haste to the pinnacle of pop-ularity. It seems that many of her teenaged fans have missed the mournful messages behind her ballads. Still, her songs are beginning to raise awareness, forcing many to face a painful chapter our history: a pervasive and centuries-old attitude of hate and discrimination toward Skaterboys. And now a presentation of tonight’s feature Documentary : “skhatred”.
[3 seconds of silence. Host looks around awkwardly.]
HOST: We apologize. It appears that our feature documentary has been pre-cancelled. Tonight’s episode of “Documentary” will be two and one-quarter minutes long, followed by live feed from the upholstery department security camera at Eaton’s. Now, a few of your comments on last week’s show.
[As host reads, text of letter appears on screen]
John from Albequerque writes: “After watching your documentary, I was still not convinced that Hans Blix is a pervert.”
Margaret from Kansas City writes: “Hans Blix’s job is to inspect for weapons. People are usually considered perverts only if they go around inspecting things without being paid for it.”
Frank from Frankfurt writes: “I find it disgusting that an international group allows this man to work for them. Intersplicing stock footage of Hans Blix with last week’s episode of ‘Are You Hot?’ convinced me absolutely that he is an uncurable pervert.”
And on our internet poll, we asked you to rate Hans Blix: 23% of you said “Hot”; 77% of you said “Nhot.”
[Theme song for “Documentary!” begins]
HOST: That’s all the time we have for this week. For “Documentary!”, I’m…
[cut to grainy footage looking at sofas in a department store, from the ceiling. Cue musak. A few seconds go by]
SOFA BUYER: [has an English accent; approaching sales counter] I’d like to buy this chesterfield.
SALESPERSON: [Scottish accent] That’ll be one thousand pounds.
SOFA BUYER: I only have nine hundred pounds.
SALESPERSON: So near, yet sofa.
SOFA BUYER: But the price tag says nine hundred pounds.
SALESPERSON: Aye, but you’re forgetting about the Highland Charge.
VOICEOVER: We’ll be back with more of Upholstery Department Security Camera after we plead for our license back.
[Cut to test pattern]
| Posted by chrisdye on March 10, 2003 with category tags of Skit |
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Written by chrisdye
| Chris Dye |
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