Who wants to be Pope?
It's the story of a struggling catholic church to find the perfect man to lead them into a new millennium. Or something like that.It was written a while ago by by some peoples. Sorry it took me so long to type up.
[A big dusty meeting room. There are a bunch of Cardinals sitting around a table. On the wall at the head of the table is a big white-board. A list of crossed out names are on the board]
Head Cardinal: I'm sorry, but Pope Diddy is out of the question. Who's next?
[an attendant crosses off Pope Diddy from the white-board list]
Second Cardinal: Send in the next candidate.
an attendant: Enter Pius the Thirtieth.
[Cardinal Pius enters looking pretty good]
Pius: Good afternoon gentlemen. My name is Pius the Thirtieth and I believe I would make an exemplary pope. I am a very pius man, and through my many years of humanitarian work I've come to feel that the current Catholic Doctrine...
[while Pius has been speaking an attendant finished writing Pius XXX on the white-board in big letters. Some of the other cardinals have been eyeing it uneasily. It's a harsh black-on-white almost graphiti style writing. The cardinals clearly do not approve. The 'XXX' really sticks out profoundly]
Head Cardinal: [while shaking his head sadly] Sorry, but this isn't going to work out. Bring in another candidate.
[Enter a young clean cut cardinal]
Malcolm: Hi, my name's Malcolm the Tenth.
Second Cardinal: Next!
[In walks a Cardinal who looks like he's from the eighties]
Bruce: Hello. I'm Bruce Banner. The first.
Head Cardinal: [clearly excited] Alright. That sounds like a pretty good Pope name. I think we've got something here.
[Cut to a scene of a Vatican balcony. The words 'Three hours later' are shown. There is a massive cheering crowd below the balcony. Some cardinals are on it, along with Bruce Banner, who has transformed into The Incredible Hulk. His pope rags are in tatters but the big Pope hat is still on his head. From now on we call him The Incredible Pope]
The Incredible Pope: [screams to the crowd] POPE SMASH!!!
[The crowd goes wild. Children rip off their cloths]
Cardinal Heinrich: [on the balcony] Best Pope Ever.
[Cut to The Incredible Pope at communion]
The Incredible Pope: BODY OF CHRIST!!!
[He scarfs down a wafer and some wine]
[Cut to The Incredible Pope in some papal room. Pion Albert is kneeling]
Pion Albert: Pope Bruce, I have travelled from Istanbul to kiss your holy ring.
[The Incredible Pope punches him in the face as he tries to]
[Cut to the cardinals in their meeting room. The Incredible Pope is seen in the background smashing through walls]
Head Cardinal: Do you ever think we made the wrong choice for Pope?
Second Cardinal: [he shrugs] Meh. He's better than Pope Tarzan.
| Posted by dustin on March 2, 2003 with category tags of Skit |
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Written by dustin
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