Mo' Cosmo
I must apologize, my lovelies. I have been so busy being in love (thank you, Cosmo) that I have not kept you updated.This one is for you, Bryan, because I know that you have been wondering HOW TO FEEL SEXY NAKED. I have included my personal notes for your benefit.
Warning: Doing the following will bring on a "foxy rush":
1-Seductively eat a Maraschino cherry.
2-Moisturize your breasts very, very slooowly.
3-Put a dab of perfume on your navel.
4-Have champagne with dessert.
5-Attend a loud concert and feel the base vibrating through your bod.
6-Know that the fastest route to feeling sexy is heading south...on yourself.
7-If you're ugly, just think of yourself as "uniquely sexy".
Notes:
1-Weight gain: 3 pounds.
2-Late for work. Subsequently fired.
3-2:15 p.m.: Real short guy from the copy place makes eyes at me...2:17 p.m.: licked uncomfortably by St. Bernard.
4-1:46 a.m.: made out with strawberry shortcake.
The next day: not even a phone call.
5-Hearing loss: significant. Ended up having to wear a puffy shirt on TV.
6-Got a call from a Mister Charlie Horse.
7-N/A
p.s. rubbing perfume ads all over your legs instantly makes you feel better about yourself.
More tips to quench your Cosmo thirst:
-Use coconut shampoo.
-Don't conceal your headlights.
-Let your bra strap slip.
-Touch your collarbone.
-Show your panty lines but also wear a thong (preferably a tie-on-the-side thong) so that you don't show your panty lines but only if it is comfortable...unless you are uncomfortable but actually look comfortable and you are comfortable with wearing boy panties because if you feel uncomfortable with looking comfortable, you can't possibly be a woman. Man, my legs smell good!
In conclusion, men like getting head and your make-up is all wrong.
| Posted by MissNikki on August 23, 2004 with category tags of Weblog |
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Written by MissNikki
| Nikki I am Nikki, MissNikki if you're nasty. |
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