Ghetto TrashIf you're from the ghetto and you talk trash, you should read Ghetto Trash '99.Ghetto Trash ‘99 By Melissa Surach Characters: Freak Nasty: Chubby man Ratz Esposito: Pregnant Teenager with a pube wig Kihmm: Pregnant skank Marísa Wang-Ho: Not Asian, Hoochie TomCat: Skank GED coordinator Ghetto Bitch #1 FreakNasty, Ratz Esposito, Kihmm, and Marísa Wang Ho, and Tom Cat shout and make a ruckus as they hop the turnstile in the subway. TomCat plucks a handful of Ratz’ pubes and is taunting her. Ratz starts beating on TomCat, who in turn starts beating on her. R: TomCat, why you so stupid? T: Damn, Ratz, you almost grabbed ma nutz! R: Hey! You grabbed ma titty! You know I’m lactating! F: Shit, that shit’s hot! It makes ma sizzle in ma shizle! The
three of them start a slap fight. M: Ratz, you stank! What? Is you too poor to buy soap from the 99 cent store? R: I told you! I make my own soap from pieces of old soap I found in the urinals at school! T: Ratz, you the stupid one. That ain’t soap! And when did you go to school? R: I got ma GED! They
all look at Ratz sideways. K: You know you don’t got no GED! You lying—you a stinking liar! F: Das a’ight, Ratz. Yo musk is like da summer breeze over the troubled waters of my heart. K: Ratz, you best keep yo spermy hands off ma man-child, Freak Nasty! The
four of them start pathetically fighting. M: HEY! Chill, yo! Da train’s coming! SHEEEIIIT! Dey’s five dollas in da track. K: Five dollas! Dat’s more than I make per rim job! Dat five dollas is mine! Kihmm
tries to get the money, but the men hold her back. T: Naw, Kihmm, Naw. You can’t get dat shit! K: Why not? T: Cause yous a girl. K: So? F: Girl, don’t be stupid. Don’t make me impregnate you, bitch. K: Too late! They
struggle. Kihmm bites TomCat and kicks Freak Nasty in his private zone and gets
away. T: The bitch bit me! F: You better get yo ass to a doctor. She’s got herpes and rabies. R: don’t do it Kihmm, da train’s coming. You’ll get killt! They
all start shouting for Kihmm not to jump in and get the money. She jumps in the
tracks. They scream louder. Kihmm is caught in the headlights of the train. Freeze. Flashback to the proudest moment of Kihmm’s life. Maybe everyone else on stage waves hands around and says, “flashback”. GED Coordinator and Ghetto Bitch enter. GED: Here’s your GED, Kihmm. You only failed it twice. Congratulations. Kihmm
looks proud and happy, hugs her GED. She turns to the Ghetto Bitch behind her
and slashes her face with a disposable razor. GB: Ma face! She falls on floor clutching her face. K: Dis is da proudest day of my life! End
of flashback. Kihmm climbs up from tracks,
just misses the train, holding her “money”, which is really a used green
condom. M: Damn, Kihmm, dat was close! You almost diededed. K: I know! But at least, I now know dat my life is worth more than (looks at condom in her hand)—What the hell is this? I ain’t never ain’t seen one of these! F: Fuck dat shit—let’s go party in da dumpster by da river! All: Yeah! They
get on the train and leave. Fin. |