Battle of Wits #7 Congratulations to Adrienne, who won last, uh, week's Battle of Wits for coming up with the following Johnny Cochrane rhyming couplet:
If it ain't on video, there's no way he did it, yo. (Kobe Bryant)
Adrienne therefore wins one or more fortune cookies.
Honourable mention goes to Vinny, whose one about Janet Jackson was disqualified only because she was never charged with anything, and therefore never needed the services of Me Cochrane.
This week's Battle:
Fill in the following sentence: "Oh, I thought [disease name] was [something unrelated to the disease]"
Example: "Oh, I thought the mumps were those delightful puppets on Sesame Street".
"Oh, I thought Gonhorrea and Chlamidya were King Lear's daughters."
The winner receives a hand-painted Hungarian figurine.
Deadline: March 31, high noon!
25 comments Oh, i though Lou Gerhig's disease was just that he was a terrible, terrible, terrible baseball player.
or
Oh, i thought the Black Plague was white people. | | |
"Oh, I thought Asian Bird Flu was just a headline with a typo."
PS: what happened to this? | | |
"Oh, I thought AIDS were those people who help grandma take a bath"
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"Oh, I thought strep throat was an informant"
"Oh, I thought eboLA was ebonics straight outta Compton"
"Oh, I thought gangrene was a colour"
"Oh, I thought meningitis was a Will Smith movie"
"Oh, I thought gout is what the hobos shout when I cuddle up in their cardboard boxes"
Somebody stop us... please! | | |
"Oh, I thought small pox were things you played miniature hockey with."
And, for our bilingual readers:
"Oh, I thought piles were things you powered your Walkman with."
Also...
"Oh, I thought parasites were people who were always in your home and eating your food and watching your cable TV and stuff like that.... Not looking at anyone in particular.... Ken." | | |
| Oh, I thought Spanish Flu was something you put in a girl's drink to make her horny. | | |
Oh, I thought Scarlet Fever was when you were really psyched about McGill winning a football game!
Oh, I thought Alzheimers was a mispronunciation of Old Timers. (I really thought that at first)
And for the more easily offended, stop reading now:
Oh, I thought AIDS was being gay. | | |
Oh, i thought colour blindness was just god telling you you were cooler than everyone else. Seriously.
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Oh, I thought Down syndrome was when an old person broke their hip and couldn't get up.
or
Oh, I thought cholera was just the start of an insult. | | |
| Oh, I thought polio was that game with the horsies. | | |
I retract my previous entries; I like this one a lot better:
"Oh, I thought autism was what Snoop Dogg called the season between summer and winter."
Also, I'd just like to say that I don't really think Ken is like a parasite. Although I do wish he'd wear a parapants while sitting on the couch. Hey-ooh! | | |
Well, if my feeling weren't hurt before they certianly are now. (pout)
I thought a constipation was what governed the legilative process. Now i know that conspitpation is what defines the legislative process. (zing! If you were all political science students this would kill) | | |
Oh, I thought Asperger's was when you ate too much fiber.
Oh, I thought Plantar Fasciitis was when your geranium started goosestepping around the livingroom.
Oh, I thought HIV was that place where you buy CDs. | | |
| I thought Staphylococcus was the typist pool for Congress. | | |
| Oh, I thought Haemorrhoids were Sewing Robots! | | |
Geez, so naturally I'm scrolling through lists of diseases online so that I can be witty for this thing and I come across an alphabetical list of diseases that includes "anal sex" and "abortion" and "anthrax"?! And that's only the "A"s.
Wit shall be forthcoming. | | |
Oh, I thought abscess was when I spend too much time reading about Cher on the internet.
Oh, I thought Body Dysmorphic Disdorder was when Marc makes machine noises in improv.
Oh, I thought bursitis is awarded to students in financial need.
I've only made it through the "B"s and it occurs to me that diseases are HILARIOUS! Here are some strange ones that I found listed:
Rectal Prolapse
Anus Disease (that one's for you, Alex)
Babesiosis (that one's for you, Nikki)
Beaver Fever (that one's for...never mind)
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See? now you guys realize why microbiology is so cool and fun?!
ok here we go:
oh I thought plasmodium was the latest TV technology.
Oh, I thought mad cow was a nickname for my mother-in-law.
oh i thought vCJD was a TV channel.
Oh I thought cellulitis was the best monthly deal offered by Fido!
Oh, I thought malaria was a saint.
that's all i got...for now... | | |
| You promised you wouldn't tell, nikki... | | |
Oh, I thought typhoid was an artificial tropical cyclone,
Oh, I thought Sarcoma was when you ironically mocked unconscious people.
Oh, I thought Cerebral Palsy was Zarley Zalapski's smarter brother, Paul.
Oh, I thought angina was where she hid her diary from the Nazi's. What a Phony!
Fripper! | | |
Oh, I thought angina lead to diarrhea.
| | |
| oh, I thought Dystrophy was something you won for insulting people real good. | | |
Because I have all this spare time now that I'm not checking my email obsessively every fifteen minutes...
Oh, I thought an anal fissure was someone who just won't leave the pier until he's caught something.
Oh, I thought Whooping Cough was the name of a Native American. | | |
I thought tetnus was a videogame. (okay that was lame and obvious)
I thought Flesh Eating Disease was a part of the Atkins' Diet...
aaand how.
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I thought tourrettes syndrome was a side-effect of lyme disease...[impulsively shouting: TIC!!!]
Oh, I thought SARS was Toronto's asian population control programme.
Oh, I thought gay was a disease.
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